I was just emotionally able to take down the formula instructions for going home from the NICU from where I had posted them in the kitchen. I have wanted to for a couple weeks. I would think I was ready, but then by the time I could get over to the cabinet to pull them down, I had lost the nerve.
I also took down the sweet sticky notes my sister Ellen brought with a meal.
Some hurts take strangely long to heal. Why were those things so difficult to take down? I haven't used those formula instructions beyond the first month or so that Ilse was home. They were terrible instructions.
Maybe I kept them up there to remind me of a few things...
Like, don't be arrogant. Why (?!?!) did I have the dietician give me formula instructions in grams instead of teaspoons? Because I had a scale and I wanted to be exact. Arrogant.
Like, how hard it was to get up in the night and pump, mix a stronger dose of milk, clean up barf, stay awake with a screaming baby and not know what to do, be angry at Tim because he was asleep... :)
I don't know. Taking them down is a definite sign of healing. My baby is almost a year old. It is time to let a few things go. I have systematically been making piles of clothes to hand to baby Livvie, and if I keep the piles around a few extra days instead of rushing them out the door, I inevitably find myself able to add clothes I previously had decided to keep as memories. That nightgown that I bought especialy for Ilse.... I had Marcus bring it to the hospital thinking we would dress Ilse in it and come home. She was never able to wear it, but more than likely little Livvie can, and now I am ready to pass it to her.
Healing comes at the strangest times. Maybe it's when God thinks you need an extra dose of His grace and mercy. Maybe that's when He takes some pain away. Maybe all the pain will never be completely gone, but this is certain, cuddle time with Ilse is more important to me than time spent organizing her old clothes or even pumping milk for her, even if the loss of those things hurts just a little.
I am a recipient of God's generosity on a grandiose scale. His gifts never cease to amaze me, even when the gift is something as simple as the ability to take down formula instructions.
He is an amazing God and He heals all our hurts in His own time.
Showing posts with label God's Blessings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's Blessings. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
One of my most favorite posts ever
This is one of my most favorite posts ever. It is SUCH an amazing display of God's grace and mercy. It is a repost from Heather Hendrick's blog, www.allthingshendrick.blogspot.com. See there for accompanying pictures.
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March 27 is a special day in our home. It's a day to remember. It's a day to be extra thankful. It's a day to celebrate and retell a story of healing and mercy.
Today marks the six year anniversary of when Hayden got to eat dinner with the rest of our family.
Six years ago today we ate spaghetti with tears in our eyes and an epipen on our kitchen table.
Six years ago Hayden ate all his spaghetti, stayed alive, and declared noodles and sauce the best food ever.
Six years ago God brought comfort and healing to our son and our family.
We will celebrate this day for as long as we live.
Very shortly after Hayden was born we knew that something was wrong. His entire body began to break out in hives. He was sick. His skin was constantly hot to the touch, felt like leather, or he had open, oozing sores all over his body. I remember with my first baby sitting and nursing my child rubbing those precious legs. Soaking in that baby skin. The feel of those soft baby arms and legs seemed like one of the sweetest gifts this side of heaven.
Hayden's skin was nothing like that. He looked like a burn victim. We kept his body covered at all times. If not, he would scratch his skin, begin bleeding, and was prone to secondary skin infections. Some of my saddest memories were walking into my son's room to pick him up out of his crib and finding his sheets covered with blood. His skin was a source of constant misery to him. Socks were sewn into his pajamas. He wore socks on his hands. For three years he lived his life in long-sleeve, long-pants pajamas and with socked-hands and feet. We kept his skin covered to keep him from clawing at his skin, but we also kept it covered because his skin was so damaged that if he even touched things he was allergic to (dust, animals, most foods) he would break out in hives. His nose and eyes would start running. Strong topical steroids, benadryl, and doctor visits were constant friends. With major reactions, it would take weeks for Hayden to recover.
After allergy testing, he could only eat eight foods. Leaving the house with Hayden was always a gamble. The times we risked it, we usually ended up coming home frustrated and in tears. We'd pay for that gamble for days as we watched Hayden react and us have absolutely no real idea what was happening to him. Hayden paid for it the most as it was him who physically had to suffer. Our baby. Always suffering. Always scratching.
We took Hayden to fancy doctors. We were sent to specialists. Hayden was in constant pain. We will always look back and say that watching our child suffer for years was hopefully the hardest thing God will ever ask us to do.
When Hayden was three he was put through his yearly round of allergy tests. This time the allergist called me at home with the results. No nurse. The doctor. I was startled. I remember him telling me that out of the eight foods Hayden was eating, he was now reacting so strongly to four of them that we needed to remove those from his diet as well. Four foods. We were down to four foods. The allergist also told me that I needed to understand the severity of this. He explained that with Hayden's body reacting so regularly that this would cause long-term damage to his major organs. He gently said he'd like to set up a meeting with his team so we could determine how to proceed. They seemed to be finished trying to find a solution. The best doctors had already looked at Hayden and could not figure out what was wrong.
It was a devastating day. I already felt like we were doing everything humanly possible. Our lives had practically shut down. This sickness colored every part of our life. We rarely left the house with Hayden. I cooked all of his food. I fell into the bed most nights exhausted from trying to keep him safe. The house swept and mopped every single day. Dusted from top to bottom. Every. Single. Day. My baby. Socked hands. Socked feet. Me cleaning. Trying hard. Yet constantly feeling like a failure...my selfishness noticeably on display as I attempted to love and care for a child so infinitely needy.
The next Sunday I shared with our church what we had just found out from the allergist. They prayed for Hayden. Standing in the front of the church with people praying for my son, I wanted so badly to open my eyes, look at my three year old son and see his skin had miraculously been healed. Like those stories I heard in Sunday School...wide eyed as a little girl...those stories of when Jesus healed the people with leprosy. The sores were there one minute. Gone the next. One flannel-board lady had leprosy. Then a new flannel board lady appeared whose skin was soft and beautiful. She was shiny and lovely. I wanted that. I wanted our family to be a flannel board family. One minute a desperate wreck. The next minute healed. The people said, "Amen"...I opened my eyes and Hayden looked the same.
God did not miraculously reach down and heal Hayden that day. Instead, on the day I shared about Hayden in front of our church a new family was sitting in the congregation. They had recently started visiting our church. The father of that family was a doctor. He later contacted us and asked if he could see Hayden's chart. Sure. Why not. What would it hurt? Besides, this is a "family practice" doctor. What's he going to know? In Hayden's diagnostic career, "family practice" doctors were so two years ago.
That doctor found that Hayden had an amoeba in his body that he probably got in utero during our trip to Mexico when I was seven months pregnant. This amoeba had gone untreated for three years. To make a very long story short, after a couple rounds of medication, our son's body began to heal. In October his allergist was trying to figure out how to keep the kid alive, and by March...with Dr. Bacak's help Hayden's skin was clearing up. We slowly added simple foods back into his diet. The socks eventually came off his hands and feet. Hayden was wearing shorts. He wasn't covered in hives. We took him places. Healing was happening.
A few months later, Hayden was getting so much better...his skin healing up...that Dr. Bacak said something outrageous at one of our visits. He looked at Hayden. Looked at me. Then he said, "Heather...let's do something crazy. Let's feed this kid." I answered, "Like real food?"
Yes. Feed him real food.
I went home nervous. I held my three year old son in my lap and asked him a simple question. "What is one food you have always, always wanted to eat?" There wasn't even a pause. "Seggi!" Hayden wanted spaghetti.
We ate. For the first time Hayden ate the same thing his family ate for dinner. He lived. We cried. We celebrated. It was a day we never want to forget.
We remember this day every year by eating Spaghetti, retelling the story, and thanking God for mercy. I don't know why there is so much suffering in this world. I don't know why babies sit in hospitals with teary-eyed mammas by their sides or why mercy and healing seem to stay just out of reach. I don't know why my baby is whole today when other mothers with sick kids probably prayed more, fasted more, read their Bibles more, and were over-all better woman than I ever hope to be. Yet their babies suffer on. I don't know why Hayden is here, cracking jokes, slurping up messy noodles when I don't think we ever really learned to suffer well. We did not earn Hayden's healing with clean hearts and bended knees. I was never a rock. I was a doubting, angry, wreck accusing God of terrible things. All I know is that for three long, hard years our life and Hayden's life was going one way...the same old way it had been going for years. Then all of a sudden life wasn't going that way anymore.
Everything began to change.
Mercy.
That's my favorite part of the story. That mercy part.
-------------
March 27 is a special day in our home. It's a day to remember. It's a day to be extra thankful. It's a day to celebrate and retell a story of healing and mercy.
Today marks the six year anniversary of when Hayden got to eat dinner with the rest of our family.
Six years ago today we ate spaghetti with tears in our eyes and an epipen on our kitchen table.
Six years ago Hayden ate all his spaghetti, stayed alive, and declared noodles and sauce the best food ever.
Six years ago God brought comfort and healing to our son and our family.
We will celebrate this day for as long as we live.
Very shortly after Hayden was born we knew that something was wrong. His entire body began to break out in hives. He was sick. His skin was constantly hot to the touch, felt like leather, or he had open, oozing sores all over his body. I remember with my first baby sitting and nursing my child rubbing those precious legs. Soaking in that baby skin. The feel of those soft baby arms and legs seemed like one of the sweetest gifts this side of heaven.
Hayden's skin was nothing like that. He looked like a burn victim. We kept his body covered at all times. If not, he would scratch his skin, begin bleeding, and was prone to secondary skin infections. Some of my saddest memories were walking into my son's room to pick him up out of his crib and finding his sheets covered with blood. His skin was a source of constant misery to him. Socks were sewn into his pajamas. He wore socks on his hands. For three years he lived his life in long-sleeve, long-pants pajamas and with socked-hands and feet. We kept his skin covered to keep him from clawing at his skin, but we also kept it covered because his skin was so damaged that if he even touched things he was allergic to (dust, animals, most foods) he would break out in hives. His nose and eyes would start running. Strong topical steroids, benadryl, and doctor visits were constant friends. With major reactions, it would take weeks for Hayden to recover.
After allergy testing, he could only eat eight foods. Leaving the house with Hayden was always a gamble. The times we risked it, we usually ended up coming home frustrated and in tears. We'd pay for that gamble for days as we watched Hayden react and us have absolutely no real idea what was happening to him. Hayden paid for it the most as it was him who physically had to suffer. Our baby. Always suffering. Always scratching.
We took Hayden to fancy doctors. We were sent to specialists. Hayden was in constant pain. We will always look back and say that watching our child suffer for years was hopefully the hardest thing God will ever ask us to do.
When Hayden was three he was put through his yearly round of allergy tests. This time the allergist called me at home with the results. No nurse. The doctor. I was startled. I remember him telling me that out of the eight foods Hayden was eating, he was now reacting so strongly to four of them that we needed to remove those from his diet as well. Four foods. We were down to four foods. The allergist also told me that I needed to understand the severity of this. He explained that with Hayden's body reacting so regularly that this would cause long-term damage to his major organs. He gently said he'd like to set up a meeting with his team so we could determine how to proceed. They seemed to be finished trying to find a solution. The best doctors had already looked at Hayden and could not figure out what was wrong.
It was a devastating day. I already felt like we were doing everything humanly possible. Our lives had practically shut down. This sickness colored every part of our life. We rarely left the house with Hayden. I cooked all of his food. I fell into the bed most nights exhausted from trying to keep him safe. The house swept and mopped every single day. Dusted from top to bottom. Every. Single. Day. My baby. Socked hands. Socked feet. Me cleaning. Trying hard. Yet constantly feeling like a failure...my selfishness noticeably on display as I attempted to love and care for a child so infinitely needy.
The next Sunday I shared with our church what we had just found out from the allergist. They prayed for Hayden. Standing in the front of the church with people praying for my son, I wanted so badly to open my eyes, look at my three year old son and see his skin had miraculously been healed. Like those stories I heard in Sunday School...wide eyed as a little girl...those stories of when Jesus healed the people with leprosy. The sores were there one minute. Gone the next. One flannel-board lady had leprosy. Then a new flannel board lady appeared whose skin was soft and beautiful. She was shiny and lovely. I wanted that. I wanted our family to be a flannel board family. One minute a desperate wreck. The next minute healed. The people said, "Amen"...I opened my eyes and Hayden looked the same.
God did not miraculously reach down and heal Hayden that day. Instead, on the day I shared about Hayden in front of our church a new family was sitting in the congregation. They had recently started visiting our church. The father of that family was a doctor. He later contacted us and asked if he could see Hayden's chart. Sure. Why not. What would it hurt? Besides, this is a "family practice" doctor. What's he going to know? In Hayden's diagnostic career, "family practice" doctors were so two years ago.
That doctor found that Hayden had an amoeba in his body that he probably got in utero during our trip to Mexico when I was seven months pregnant. This amoeba had gone untreated for three years. To make a very long story short, after a couple rounds of medication, our son's body began to heal. In October his allergist was trying to figure out how to keep the kid alive, and by March...with Dr. Bacak's help Hayden's skin was clearing up. We slowly added simple foods back into his diet. The socks eventually came off his hands and feet. Hayden was wearing shorts. He wasn't covered in hives. We took him places. Healing was happening.
A few months later, Hayden was getting so much better...his skin healing up...that Dr. Bacak said something outrageous at one of our visits. He looked at Hayden. Looked at me. Then he said, "Heather...let's do something crazy. Let's feed this kid." I answered, "Like real food?"
Yes. Feed him real food.
I went home nervous. I held my three year old son in my lap and asked him a simple question. "What is one food you have always, always wanted to eat?" There wasn't even a pause. "Seggi!" Hayden wanted spaghetti.
We ate. For the first time Hayden ate the same thing his family ate for dinner. He lived. We cried. We celebrated. It was a day we never want to forget.
We remember this day every year by eating Spaghetti, retelling the story, and thanking God for mercy. I don't know why there is so much suffering in this world. I don't know why babies sit in hospitals with teary-eyed mammas by their sides or why mercy and healing seem to stay just out of reach. I don't know why my baby is whole today when other mothers with sick kids probably prayed more, fasted more, read their Bibles more, and were over-all better woman than I ever hope to be. Yet their babies suffer on. I don't know why Hayden is here, cracking jokes, slurping up messy noodles when I don't think we ever really learned to suffer well. We did not earn Hayden's healing with clean hearts and bended knees. I was never a rock. I was a doubting, angry, wreck accusing God of terrible things. All I know is that for three long, hard years our life and Hayden's life was going one way...the same old way it had been going for years. Then all of a sudden life wasn't going that way anymore.
Everything began to change.
Mercy.
That's my favorite part of the story. That mercy part.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Good and Bad, Happy and Sad
Today was a day of happy moments and also sad news. I am really struggling since the bad tends to overshadow the good. My poor, poor little baby.
First the good:
Today in therapy Ilse ate squash, off a spoon. I punctuate it that way to give the words 'off a spoon' the weight they deserve. That is huge. We started Ilse on just tastes of milk when she was in the NICU, and she didn't do well. Her upper lip would turn dusky, which told the hospital OT that Ilse was struggling to keep her O2 sats up when she had something in her mouth. We progressed from tastes to drops of milk, to small syringes of milk, and then to trying a spoon. She couldn't do the spoon without horrible gagging. Then we tried letting her eat off my finger, and for some reason she didn't gag that way. Then today we tried a different spoon, and she ate squash off it. She ate squash off a spoon. I am so praising the Lord about that. It is truly momentous for a child like Ilse to eat squash off a spoon.
Also in therapy today Ilse sort of sat. She actually totally sat! Our therapist put Ilse's legs a bit bunched up, and leaned her forward resting on her arms, and Ilse sat that way, leaning forward on her hands. She was sitting on her bottom, leaning forward on her arms. Amazing.
Furthermore, Ilse decided today that she would put weight on her forearms in a crawling position. Ilse participated today to be able to do all of this! She didn't hang her head during her therapy today at all. Usually she just hangs her head, won't talk, won't smile, and won't participate. But today I guess the Lord knew I would need some encouragement.
The bad news is that we got the results of some bloodwork we had done on Monday, the day of upwards of ten blood pokes and horrible bruising. While Ilse's metabolic panel came back normal and her cholesterol is up ten points (YAY!), her immunological testing came back all messed up. I believe what the pediatrician said is that Ilse seems to have an IgG deficiency. I confess, when I heard what she said next about bone marrow and a hematologist/oncologist, I had a hard time remembering the exact word that went with IgG, but deficiency is really the only word that makes sense. They are referring her to a hematologist/oncologist for a bone marrow biopsy, because the blood testing has gone as far as the immunologist can take it, and now deeper testing needs to be done. I know the doctor stressed the fact that Ilse is going for the hematology side and not the oncology side, but the minute I heard those words my heart just got so heavy and I cried. My poor little baby. If they have to actually do that biopsy, she will have to be anesthetized which likely means an intubation, which any SLOS mom knows could result in oral aversions, which is what we have been working against all this time. That made me cry. Thinking about a needle in my baby made me cry. Tim just had his MRI with contrast, and the spot where they injected that dye into the joint is all bruised and sore. He was hurting, and I don't want my little baby to feel like that. And as I sat there with tears on my face... It's not like I was sobbing or anything, just teary.... all I could say to the therapist was, "God made her blood. GOD made her blood."
He made her genetic mutations; He made her immunological deficiencies. He made her exactly the way she is for His glory.
I am having a very hard time, though, because all those good things that she did today tend to get overshadowed by this one very bad thing and all things that go with an immune deficiency. The having to tell people they can't touch her, certainly can't breathe on her, have to wash their hands before they touch her, etc.. I can't take her to my sister-in-law's one year adoption anniversary because it is at the germ cesspool Chuck E. Cheese, I can't let the boys go because they could bring RSV home on their clothes.... And the list goes on.
The bad hurts. I hurt for my Ilse. She hurts. But when there is good, when Ilse ate off a spoon today and when she put weight on her arms..... and when I get Ilse snuggles, then I feel God's mercy and grace. Those things are His mercy to me, and I am so thankful for them.
Please pray for us, because this is a new layer of struggle. Pray for my baby to keep gaining weight, and that the diarrhea I think is about to begin really won't, and that I will be awake enough to get up in the nights and feed her as many times as I need to so she can grow.
Here is Ilse reading a book during therapy. She was fascinated with the black, white, and red pictures. She actually turned the pages herself with no prompting. And she turned them from the right to the left, just like a true Foster descendant. :)
First the good:
Today in therapy Ilse ate squash, off a spoon. I punctuate it that way to give the words 'off a spoon' the weight they deserve. That is huge. We started Ilse on just tastes of milk when she was in the NICU, and she didn't do well. Her upper lip would turn dusky, which told the hospital OT that Ilse was struggling to keep her O2 sats up when she had something in her mouth. We progressed from tastes to drops of milk, to small syringes of milk, and then to trying a spoon. She couldn't do the spoon without horrible gagging. Then we tried letting her eat off my finger, and for some reason she didn't gag that way. Then today we tried a different spoon, and she ate squash off it. She ate squash off a spoon. I am so praising the Lord about that. It is truly momentous for a child like Ilse to eat squash off a spoon.
Also in therapy today Ilse sort of sat. She actually totally sat! Our therapist put Ilse's legs a bit bunched up, and leaned her forward resting on her arms, and Ilse sat that way, leaning forward on her hands. She was sitting on her bottom, leaning forward on her arms. Amazing.
Furthermore, Ilse decided today that she would put weight on her forearms in a crawling position. Ilse participated today to be able to do all of this! She didn't hang her head during her therapy today at all. Usually she just hangs her head, won't talk, won't smile, and won't participate. But today I guess the Lord knew I would need some encouragement.
The bad news is that we got the results of some bloodwork we had done on Monday, the day of upwards of ten blood pokes and horrible bruising. While Ilse's metabolic panel came back normal and her cholesterol is up ten points (YAY!), her immunological testing came back all messed up. I believe what the pediatrician said is that Ilse seems to have an IgG deficiency. I confess, when I heard what she said next about bone marrow and a hematologist/oncologist, I had a hard time remembering the exact word that went with IgG, but deficiency is really the only word that makes sense. They are referring her to a hematologist/oncologist for a bone marrow biopsy, because the blood testing has gone as far as the immunologist can take it, and now deeper testing needs to be done. I know the doctor stressed the fact that Ilse is going for the hematology side and not the oncology side, but the minute I heard those words my heart just got so heavy and I cried. My poor little baby. If they have to actually do that biopsy, she will have to be anesthetized which likely means an intubation, which any SLOS mom knows could result in oral aversions, which is what we have been working against all this time. That made me cry. Thinking about a needle in my baby made me cry. Tim just had his MRI with contrast, and the spot where they injected that dye into the joint is all bruised and sore. He was hurting, and I don't want my little baby to feel like that. And as I sat there with tears on my face... It's not like I was sobbing or anything, just teary.... all I could say to the therapist was, "God made her blood. GOD made her blood."
He made her genetic mutations; He made her immunological deficiencies. He made her exactly the way she is for His glory.
I am having a very hard time, though, because all those good things that she did today tend to get overshadowed by this one very bad thing and all things that go with an immune deficiency. The having to tell people they can't touch her, certainly can't breathe on her, have to wash their hands before they touch her, etc.. I can't take her to my sister-in-law's one year adoption anniversary because it is at the germ cesspool Chuck E. Cheese, I can't let the boys go because they could bring RSV home on their clothes.... And the list goes on.
The bad hurts. I hurt for my Ilse. She hurts. But when there is good, when Ilse ate off a spoon today and when she put weight on her arms..... and when I get Ilse snuggles, then I feel God's mercy and grace. Those things are His mercy to me, and I am so thankful for them.
Please pray for us, because this is a new layer of struggle. Pray for my baby to keep gaining weight, and that the diarrhea I think is about to begin really won't, and that I will be awake enough to get up in the nights and feed her as many times as I need to so she can grow.
Here is Ilse reading a book during therapy. She was fascinated with the black, white, and red pictures. She actually turned the pages herself with no prompting. And she turned them from the right to the left, just like a true Foster descendant. :)
Friday, February 10, 2012
Ilse's Nine Month Update and Life and Boys
Ilse Joy was nine months old on February 4, and she continues to be a major source of joy in our home. Joey and Chris try their hardest to make her smile-- even though they don't need to try at all since she sees them and breaks out in a grin-- and I tell them all the time that she will know for sure that they love her. They are wonderful big brothers to our Ilse Joy.
Ilse is 27 1/2 inches long now, but as of February 8th, she was only 12 lbs. 5.5 oz., which is only 1lb 1oz heavier than she was at six months. We are pretty concerned about her weight, since in the last few days she has dropped a whole pound. She has been sick off and on for two months, really since mid December. We have had one ER visit, another ER visit that resulted in a night in the hospital, another ER visit to replace her button when it came out in the night, a surgery to insert ear tubes because of ear infections that wouldn't go away even after three different antibiotics, an antibiotic that made her scream for several nights in a row, four different bouts of diarrhea-- the first lasting for 23 days, and the latest for one day, two nights, and part of another day. This latest bout made her lose the pound I mentioned earlier.
Next week we will be beginning some deep testing on her immune system. They are going to see if her body has reacted properly to her vaccinations, do a complete metabolic panel which includes liver function, and check something having to do with protein albumin, or something like that. The reason the doctors want to do this testing is because the last immune system testing just raised more questions as some of the numbers were high and some were low.
We did have Ilse tested for allergies to milk, soy, wheat, and egg. Of course we knew she is allergic to egg, and I was honestly hoping she would be allergic to milk since that would explain the random diarrhea and barfing, but no such luck. We will have to look deeper. Of course some of her barfing is because of SLOS, but I don't think all of it is.
Ilse has really started playing. She grabs for toys without fail these days, and she brings things to her mouth also. Her fingers are her favorite toy, though. The other night when she should have been sleeping, she was instead holding one finger in her mouth, her other hand on that hand, and talking. It was super cute and kept me awake quite effectively. I bought her the Fisher-Price Jumperoo, and she loves it! She doesn't quite jump correctly. She more break dances.....
I love watching her play. I am working on fattening her up, but it is a constant struggle to get enough food in her. The last two days she has only barfed once a day. That has been nice. Also the last two nights I have gotten up in the night to feed her. I intended to get up twice each night so that she would be eating every three hours all day and night, but this tired mommy just can't do it. In fact, I wouldn't even have gotten up the first night I fed her in the night except I dropped my phone on the floor in the dark, before I got the alarm turned off. That right there got me out of bed which in turn got me to her room to feed her. I just couldn't do that twice in one night, though, so I didn't even try to get up again. Then last night the only reason I fed her in the night was because I just stayed up for it. Yes, that's right. I stayed up till 2:15am just to feed her again. I don't know what is wrong with me. I guess I am doing what I must to ensure that she gets fed in the night even though it makes me Mrs. Zombie. I generally get a little nap sometime during the day. The boys are really good at having "quiet reading time." they really do lay on their floor absolutely quietly and look at books, sometimes for two plus hours. They are amazing. I don't now now I would get through the night without that little snooze, and yes, I did just call two plus hours a little snooze... Lol.
Today Ilse actually ate in therapy! I fed her squash on my finger, and she gobbled it up. I need to do it again tomorrow before she forgets how to take food off a finger. Our therapist was amazed. Ilse is also doing really well putting weight on her legs and her right arm. I have ordered her some elbow immobilizing splints that my friend Micia found. It is too bad they aren't pink, but they will hopefully do the trick of getting her elbows locked so I can help her be int he crawling position without feeling like I am an octopus holding two legs, two arms, and a tummy. I guess that would be a quintopus, but I am not one of those either, whatever it is. Something with five appendages.... Um, yeah. :)
Tonight at Walmart I bought the boys camo bandanas and sleeping bags. They will have so much fun I think.
I have been doing really, really well making food at home. We are saving so much money it is unbelievable. We just got our Sam's bill, which before was in the $800-900 range, but this time was ZERO. Yes. So nice. With the diarrhea bout I did go to Starbucks more than I should have, but since I was dead on my feet from not being able to leave the changing table during the night I think I can forgive myself.
And then today we went to Starbucks to celebrate getting our tax return. :) I can't think of a better reason to go spend $14.
Life around here is busy but wonderful. The Lord sustains us, blesses us, and gives us much joy.
Ilse is 27 1/2 inches long now, but as of February 8th, she was only 12 lbs. 5.5 oz., which is only 1lb 1oz heavier than she was at six months. We are pretty concerned about her weight, since in the last few days she has dropped a whole pound. She has been sick off and on for two months, really since mid December. We have had one ER visit, another ER visit that resulted in a night in the hospital, another ER visit to replace her button when it came out in the night, a surgery to insert ear tubes because of ear infections that wouldn't go away even after three different antibiotics, an antibiotic that made her scream for several nights in a row, four different bouts of diarrhea-- the first lasting for 23 days, and the latest for one day, two nights, and part of another day. This latest bout made her lose the pound I mentioned earlier.
Next week we will be beginning some deep testing on her immune system. They are going to see if her body has reacted properly to her vaccinations, do a complete metabolic panel which includes liver function, and check something having to do with protein albumin, or something like that. The reason the doctors want to do this testing is because the last immune system testing just raised more questions as some of the numbers were high and some were low.
We did have Ilse tested for allergies to milk, soy, wheat, and egg. Of course we knew she is allergic to egg, and I was honestly hoping she would be allergic to milk since that would explain the random diarrhea and barfing, but no such luck. We will have to look deeper. Of course some of her barfing is because of SLOS, but I don't think all of it is.
Ilse has really started playing. She grabs for toys without fail these days, and she brings things to her mouth also. Her fingers are her favorite toy, though. The other night when she should have been sleeping, she was instead holding one finger in her mouth, her other hand on that hand, and talking. It was super cute and kept me awake quite effectively. I bought her the Fisher-Price Jumperoo, and she loves it! She doesn't quite jump correctly. She more break dances.....
I love watching her play. I am working on fattening her up, but it is a constant struggle to get enough food in her. The last two days she has only barfed once a day. That has been nice. Also the last two nights I have gotten up in the night to feed her. I intended to get up twice each night so that she would be eating every three hours all day and night, but this tired mommy just can't do it. In fact, I wouldn't even have gotten up the first night I fed her in the night except I dropped my phone on the floor in the dark, before I got the alarm turned off. That right there got me out of bed which in turn got me to her room to feed her. I just couldn't do that twice in one night, though, so I didn't even try to get up again. Then last night the only reason I fed her in the night was because I just stayed up for it. Yes, that's right. I stayed up till 2:15am just to feed her again. I don't know what is wrong with me. I guess I am doing what I must to ensure that she gets fed in the night even though it makes me Mrs. Zombie. I generally get a little nap sometime during the day. The boys are really good at having "quiet reading time." they really do lay on their floor absolutely quietly and look at books, sometimes for two plus hours. They are amazing. I don't now now I would get through the night without that little snooze, and yes, I did just call two plus hours a little snooze... Lol.
Today Ilse actually ate in therapy! I fed her squash on my finger, and she gobbled it up. I need to do it again tomorrow before she forgets how to take food off a finger. Our therapist was amazed. Ilse is also doing really well putting weight on her legs and her right arm. I have ordered her some elbow immobilizing splints that my friend Micia found. It is too bad they aren't pink, but they will hopefully do the trick of getting her elbows locked so I can help her be int he crawling position without feeling like I am an octopus holding two legs, two arms, and a tummy. I guess that would be a quintopus, but I am not one of those either, whatever it is. Something with five appendages.... Um, yeah. :)
Tonight at Walmart I bought the boys camo bandanas and sleeping bags. They will have so much fun I think.
I have been doing really, really well making food at home. We are saving so much money it is unbelievable. We just got our Sam's bill, which before was in the $800-900 range, but this time was ZERO. Yes. So nice. With the diarrhea bout I did go to Starbucks more than I should have, but since I was dead on my feet from not being able to leave the changing table during the night I think I can forgive myself.
And then today we went to Starbucks to celebrate getting our tax return. :) I can't think of a better reason to go spend $14.
Life around here is busy but wonderful. The Lord sustains us, blesses us, and gives us much joy.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Snapshots of our week
These first few pics are of Ilse exploring her world... This time her tube and her quilt.
Here is Ilse after her ear surgery. "Ah. I'm happy now!" she says.
Here is Christopher asleep in the car after a particularly long day of doctor appointments for Ilse.
Here are all three of my blessings together.
The boys run back and forth with their trucks for such a long time.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Life lately
Please excuse any misspellings... My fingers don't love me today.
Looking back through my posts, I realize that I haven't posted in forever. So much has been going on over here that I haven't had time to do anything... even sleep is a rarity.
Ilse is still on the path to wellness. It might be a long path, especially considering they aren't sure what is wrong with her. They have ordered some specialized immune system tests, and maybe we will know what the results are in about a week. Hopefully it won't take longer than that. A week is already a long time. She did have a bacterial infection, and they had no idea where it was coming from. It could be her mic-KEY button, but we would have to pull it and culture it to know for sure. Unfortunately, we have to wait to do that because they put Ilse on a strong antibiotic, and again, unfortunately, it was obviously too strong for her since it set off a string of night screaming that the world has never seen before. At least my world! Finally we put two and two together and the doctor had us stop the antibiotic. Ilse slept pretty well last night, and so did I. Ahhh. However, I managed to wake up more tired that I had been the previous day when the night before I had barely gotten any sleep at all.
And it was good that yesterday I was more awake, because I didn't have time to even use the bathroom from the morning all the way until six or so. A lifetime of practice finally put to good use. Lol. Yesterday Ilse and I went to get her labs drawn for the aforementioned blood tests. The first lab, at which we had an appointment, told us after we had waited of course, that they couldn't do that test. We hightailed it down to medical city, and yes, I had to talk myself down just in order to park at that place.... and got her labs drawn there. She had two diarrheas while we were at the lab. That made three up to that point, and scattered through out the day where about four more. Needless to say, they are concerned about dehydration and c diff. for this baby. We won't know about the c diff. test for a week also. At the lab they determined that Ilse is too small to do all the tests they wanted, so we have to go back again on Friday to draw for the rest of the tests. One of the tests they did draw for measures how well the white blood cells fight infection. Because, I think it is clear by this point that Ilse has a bit of trouble with infections.
The concern for the immediate future is that her bacterial infection might reassert itself since we couldn't finish the antibiotic. If she gets a high fever or screams uncontrollably, we are to call the doctor ASAP, or, if it is night, we are to go to the emergency room.
Lord willing, Ilse got enough antibiotic to do the trick. Although, if it is the button causing this problem, it will likely reassert itself and we will be in a world of trouble, unless of course, we can have a different antibiotic, although at this point I am pretty wary of too much more medicine.
The rest of our busy day yesterday was spent at UT Southwestern medical center. Tim had his much awaited appointment with a wonderful hip doctor. He was wonderful, and not just because he looked exactly like Mark Ruffalo. He did tons of x-rays, and gave a much better description of the surgery, complete with hand gestures. Tim will plan on having the surgery late May, but first he needs an MRI to confirm what is going on and to see the exact state of his cartilage.
If everything looks good, or bad, whichever way you want to phrase it, he will have the surgery. It doesn't sound as bad as the first doctor made it sound, and regardless of how long the recovery is, having the surgery in state is an automatic bonus. The first doctor said we would have to go out of state, and that sounded atrocious, as you can imagine, since I am determined not to go anywhere without my kids.
The boys are doing really well. They learned about colloquialisms, paramedics, aerodynamics, and oh my goodness, earlier Chris said something so brilliant I wish I could remember what it was.
I finally got Ilse's nose suction machine figured out and in use. Hopefully it will help her. It is too bad that there is no way to decorate it like a squirrel or something. It isn't too cute.
Mom came over yesterday at the drop of a hat and stayed all day long to watch my boys. They mostly behaved. Now my laundry is all folded, my kitchen is clean, and my floors are vacuumed. Thanks, Mom!
I have lots more to write about. However, this post is so long that I had better give your eyes and my fingers a break.
Today, though, if you have a minute, pray for my friend Amber Bowers who is having her third baby today. This is her second daughter, and could also be her second child with SLOS. One baby with SLOS is hard enough depending on how severely the child is affected. Two would be significantly more difficult, and yet, the Lord really does give us the ability to accomplish all that he asks of us. And He has given the Bowers family so much joy. They are truly a wonderful example to me. Each child is a blessing, no matter the way God makes it.
As I have said before, I don't know what I would do with a 'normal' baby-- I have gotten so used to Ilse.
I have another post to write soon, but now, I am going to call in the precious boys who just went out to play, and we are all going to lay down for a nap. It is practically a given though that Ilse will wake up the second I lay myself down.
Better hurry!
Looking back through my posts, I realize that I haven't posted in forever. So much has been going on over here that I haven't had time to do anything... even sleep is a rarity.
Ilse is still on the path to wellness. It might be a long path, especially considering they aren't sure what is wrong with her. They have ordered some specialized immune system tests, and maybe we will know what the results are in about a week. Hopefully it won't take longer than that. A week is already a long time. She did have a bacterial infection, and they had no idea where it was coming from. It could be her mic-KEY button, but we would have to pull it and culture it to know for sure. Unfortunately, we have to wait to do that because they put Ilse on a strong antibiotic, and again, unfortunately, it was obviously too strong for her since it set off a string of night screaming that the world has never seen before. At least my world! Finally we put two and two together and the doctor had us stop the antibiotic. Ilse slept pretty well last night, and so did I. Ahhh. However, I managed to wake up more tired that I had been the previous day when the night before I had barely gotten any sleep at all.
And it was good that yesterday I was more awake, because I didn't have time to even use the bathroom from the morning all the way until six or so. A lifetime of practice finally put to good use. Lol. Yesterday Ilse and I went to get her labs drawn for the aforementioned blood tests. The first lab, at which we had an appointment, told us after we had waited of course, that they couldn't do that test. We hightailed it down to medical city, and yes, I had to talk myself down just in order to park at that place.... and got her labs drawn there. She had two diarrheas while we were at the lab. That made three up to that point, and scattered through out the day where about four more. Needless to say, they are concerned about dehydration and c diff. for this baby. We won't know about the c diff. test for a week also. At the lab they determined that Ilse is too small to do all the tests they wanted, so we have to go back again on Friday to draw for the rest of the tests. One of the tests they did draw for measures how well the white blood cells fight infection. Because, I think it is clear by this point that Ilse has a bit of trouble with infections.
The concern for the immediate future is that her bacterial infection might reassert itself since we couldn't finish the antibiotic. If she gets a high fever or screams uncontrollably, we are to call the doctor ASAP, or, if it is night, we are to go to the emergency room.
Lord willing, Ilse got enough antibiotic to do the trick. Although, if it is the button causing this problem, it will likely reassert itself and we will be in a world of trouble, unless of course, we can have a different antibiotic, although at this point I am pretty wary of too much more medicine.
The rest of our busy day yesterday was spent at UT Southwestern medical center. Tim had his much awaited appointment with a wonderful hip doctor. He was wonderful, and not just because he looked exactly like Mark Ruffalo. He did tons of x-rays, and gave a much better description of the surgery, complete with hand gestures. Tim will plan on having the surgery late May, but first he needs an MRI to confirm what is going on and to see the exact state of his cartilage.
If everything looks good, or bad, whichever way you want to phrase it, he will have the surgery. It doesn't sound as bad as the first doctor made it sound, and regardless of how long the recovery is, having the surgery in state is an automatic bonus. The first doctor said we would have to go out of state, and that sounded atrocious, as you can imagine, since I am determined not to go anywhere without my kids.
The boys are doing really well. They learned about colloquialisms, paramedics, aerodynamics, and oh my goodness, earlier Chris said something so brilliant I wish I could remember what it was.
I finally got Ilse's nose suction machine figured out and in use. Hopefully it will help her. It is too bad that there is no way to decorate it like a squirrel or something. It isn't too cute.
Mom came over yesterday at the drop of a hat and stayed all day long to watch my boys. They mostly behaved. Now my laundry is all folded, my kitchen is clean, and my floors are vacuumed. Thanks, Mom!
I have lots more to write about. However, this post is so long that I had better give your eyes and my fingers a break.
Today, though, if you have a minute, pray for my friend Amber Bowers who is having her third baby today. This is her second daughter, and could also be her second child with SLOS. One baby with SLOS is hard enough depending on how severely the child is affected. Two would be significantly more difficult, and yet, the Lord really does give us the ability to accomplish all that he asks of us. And He has given the Bowers family so much joy. They are truly a wonderful example to me. Each child is a blessing, no matter the way God makes it.
As I have said before, I don't know what I would do with a 'normal' baby-- I have gotten so used to Ilse.
I have another post to write soon, but now, I am going to call in the precious boys who just went out to play, and we are all going to lay down for a nap. It is practically a given though that Ilse will wake up the second I lay myself down.
Better hurry!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
We are still here
God's mercy has definitely been displayed to us this last week or so. Today was the hardest day Tim and I have had in a long time. After a week with about two to three hours of sleep a night, I in particular really needed a good night's sleep last night. It did not happen. Ise cried basically all night long. She has been running a fever since getting her shots on Thursday, and on top of that she is teething-- whether it is early or not, she has decided that she wants teeth.
So after little to no sleep last night, today was slated to be difficult, and it was. I finally started to feel human around six tonight and was able to start getting some things done. We went and got Ilse a new back pack for her milk, and I ran in to walmart to pick up a few things I'd forgotten the other day when dee and I went shopping.
We came home And let the boys play a bit and I gave ilse her bath. She hadn't had a bath in a few days, since we hadn't even gotten the groceries out of the car. I know, those things don't seem to go together, but they do since I had purchased some new soap and lotion for her to try to combat her eczema problem before it gets debilitating. We had been so tired that we hadn't been able to even unload the car. It's done now, thankfully! And Ilse is all clean again.
Even though these days are sometimes very difficult, Tim and I are so thankful for each little blessing God has given us, from the littlest baby Ilse to our great big boys. Today I was especially thankful for my sweet sister dee who came over to this ugly heap of a house and helped me clean my room up. That was a huge help today and yesterday when we had an unexpected visitor. There was no room for poor ya-ya and sarah on the couch, but my room was clean enough to visit in. Lol.
I need to be easier on myself and remember a couple things:
1. Ilse is still little and there many extra things involved with her care (and the boys' care, for that matter) that other people don't deal with with their kids, and so we aren't going to be or look the same. What another mother of three might be able to get done when her baby is four months might be another couple months away for us.
2. It has only been the last two months that I have been trying to get my life back on track. That's not very long, and I need to give myself a break. The month Ilse was in the nicu was unbelievable difficult, and the month after that was a month of recovery. We still aren't recovered, exactly... I cried the other day talking to Ivy about it. That experience left too many emotional scars to count. I am thankful the Lord knows and loves us through it. He is not up in heaven shaking a stick at me if my bathroom floor is hairy (post pregnancy hair loss, you know.... Wait, who am I kidding? All of us women are plagued with hair on a our floors.) and He is patient with me when I can't do things perfectly like getting to church on time all the time or remember to pay bills. Yes, I've forgotten a few here and there.
The Lord is unbelievably gracious. I have probably said this on my blog before, but I have had to make myself the rule that I can't sign up for anything that I can't get out of. Things happen and Ilse doesn't sleep, and I have things to do, et. cetera. And the Lord is gracious. That deserves saying more than once.
But sitting here with my sweet babies asleep in their room, and my littlest sweet baby asleep in her crib, I am undeniably happy, even though Ilse is doing the little "I'm still crying in my heart" breathing sound in her sleep. Ilse breaks my heart when she screams and cries through her baths because she doesn't feel well or is tired, and I break my heart when I yell at Christopher for going so darn slow and have to ask his forgiveness... praying together for God to forgive mommy and make her heart clean again.
But God it still gracious, and He shows His love to us in so many wonderful ways, not the least of which is the sweet forgiveness of my sons when I wrong them.
Oh the depths of the riches, the wisdom of God,
How immeasurable is His grace,
How unfailing His kindness, how far removed His wrath,
And His mercies are new each day.
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things,
To Him be glory forevermore, to Him be glory forever!
Amen! Amen! Amen.
So after little to no sleep last night, today was slated to be difficult, and it was. I finally started to feel human around six tonight and was able to start getting some things done. We went and got Ilse a new back pack for her milk, and I ran in to walmart to pick up a few things I'd forgotten the other day when dee and I went shopping.
We came home And let the boys play a bit and I gave ilse her bath. She hadn't had a bath in a few days, since we hadn't even gotten the groceries out of the car. I know, those things don't seem to go together, but they do since I had purchased some new soap and lotion for her to try to combat her eczema problem before it gets debilitating. We had been so tired that we hadn't been able to even unload the car. It's done now, thankfully! And Ilse is all clean again.
Even though these days are sometimes very difficult, Tim and I are so thankful for each little blessing God has given us, from the littlest baby Ilse to our great big boys. Today I was especially thankful for my sweet sister dee who came over to this ugly heap of a house and helped me clean my room up. That was a huge help today and yesterday when we had an unexpected visitor. There was no room for poor ya-ya and sarah on the couch, but my room was clean enough to visit in. Lol.
I need to be easier on myself and remember a couple things:
1. Ilse is still little and there many extra things involved with her care (and the boys' care, for that matter) that other people don't deal with with their kids, and so we aren't going to be or look the same. What another mother of three might be able to get done when her baby is four months might be another couple months away for us.
2. It has only been the last two months that I have been trying to get my life back on track. That's not very long, and I need to give myself a break. The month Ilse was in the nicu was unbelievable difficult, and the month after that was a month of recovery. We still aren't recovered, exactly... I cried the other day talking to Ivy about it. That experience left too many emotional scars to count. I am thankful the Lord knows and loves us through it. He is not up in heaven shaking a stick at me if my bathroom floor is hairy (post pregnancy hair loss, you know.... Wait, who am I kidding? All of us women are plagued with hair on a our floors.) and He is patient with me when I can't do things perfectly like getting to church on time all the time or remember to pay bills. Yes, I've forgotten a few here and there.
The Lord is unbelievably gracious. I have probably said this on my blog before, but I have had to make myself the rule that I can't sign up for anything that I can't get out of. Things happen and Ilse doesn't sleep, and I have things to do, et. cetera. And the Lord is gracious. That deserves saying more than once.
But sitting here with my sweet babies asleep in their room, and my littlest sweet baby asleep in her crib, I am undeniably happy, even though Ilse is doing the little "I'm still crying in my heart" breathing sound in her sleep. Ilse breaks my heart when she screams and cries through her baths because she doesn't feel well or is tired, and I break my heart when I yell at Christopher for going so darn slow and have to ask his forgiveness... praying together for God to forgive mommy and make her heart clean again.
But God it still gracious, and He shows His love to us in so many wonderful ways, not the least of which is the sweet forgiveness of my sons when I wrong them.
Oh the depths of the riches, the wisdom of God,
How immeasurable is His grace,
How unfailing His kindness, how far removed His wrath,
And His mercies are new each day.
For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things,
To Him be glory forevermore, to Him be glory forever!
Amen! Amen! Amen.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Three Months
Today was the three month birthday of our precious baby girl Ilse. She brings so much joy to us, and that's why we named her Ilse Joy.
She snuggles so close to me when I hold her, and I can always make her comfy, make her stop crying, and I always know what's wrong with her. It definitely took some learning, but now I feel like I know her. I know her expressions, I know her wants, I know every single detail of what she likes. I know that when she is upset, she likes to be still and not be bounced. She is like me. :) I know when she is going to cry at the first, tiniest little hint. I know when she is hungry and when she just needs her Mommy.
I missed the first whole month of Ilse's life. It was filled with tears, sadness, hurting, loneliness, and questions. I heard many times that something was my fault, or, 'don't hold her like that!' Or, 'don't pick her up,' or 'don't disturb her,' or 'you can't spend the night here,' or 'she's just going to be hurting and scream.'
We missed so much and hurt so much; it will never be forgotten and I don't know that the scars will ever go away. I didn't get to give Ilse her first bath. I had to send my three week old baby into surgery, and I didn't know if she'd come out since she was so tiny. I nearly ripped her g-tube out because some doctor made me cry to the point of not seeing it there since he refused to take my concern about her cataracts seriously. I went to change her diaper one day and her little butt hole was bleeding and the nurses weren't doing anything about it. Another day her butt was yellow-- yellow, because the nurses didn't wipe her properly and her poop stained her. No matter how much I wiped the color wouldn't change back. Turning around and leaving her at that NICU so many times was unbearable. I pushed my recovery just so I could be with her. I drove five days after surgery and had no more pain by six days. I needed to see her. I can't imagine how she felt laying there in the NICU with the person she'd spend the last 7 1/2 months with gone. I'm so thankful that she mostly slept. Many times I'd be up at the hospital past 11 at night, just because I couldn't make myself leave. I'd cry on the way to the hospital sometimes, feeling incredible guilt, because I had taken till 10am to get back up there. I bought her so many blankets because that was all I could give her. She barfed so much that she used upwards of six blankets a day, a good day. I was washing giant loads of her blankets every other day, and I couldn't bear not to take them up to her. At first the hospital wrapped her in a horribly faded brown and pink blanket, and they didn't understand why I didn't want her to use it. It wasn't soft enough or cute enough for someone loved as much as my Ilse. I hatched a plan to lose that blanket since it kept showing up at her bed; finally I brought it home to wash it and I never took it back. Someday I'll burn it. :) I know I bought so much stuff for her room to make it up to her that she was in an ugly NICU for a month, and for having medical problems. I made her a tree so that her room wouldn't be ugly.
Most parents have lots of stuff to say to their babies. All I had for the longest time was "Ilse, you're ok! I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Empty words. Now I just remind her that she's mommy's baby. Mommy's baby Ilse. Mommy's peach. Mommy's peachy baby Ilse. :)
Some doctors told me that Ilse was so incredibly behind developmentally. Some nurses ruined the birth day for my family. I left a phone charger up at the Allen hospital, and three months later I still can't make myself go back up to that hospital to get it.
Even though the experience of Ilse's first month was horrible and so far, unforgettable, my Ilse is perfect. She is exactly the way God made her, and she is mine. (Ours, but really mine, since I have the milk, you know.) I know she is God's but he gave her to me and I am going to cherish her, teach her, and I'm determined not to miss another minute of her precious life. She is God's gift to me, and she is daily proof of his love.
I'm so thankful that now she is home where she belongs.
She snuggles so close to me when I hold her, and I can always make her comfy, make her stop crying, and I always know what's wrong with her. It definitely took some learning, but now I feel like I know her. I know her expressions, I know her wants, I know every single detail of what she likes. I know that when she is upset, she likes to be still and not be bounced. She is like me. :) I know when she is going to cry at the first, tiniest little hint. I know when she is hungry and when she just needs her Mommy.
I missed the first whole month of Ilse's life. It was filled with tears, sadness, hurting, loneliness, and questions. I heard many times that something was my fault, or, 'don't hold her like that!' Or, 'don't pick her up,' or 'don't disturb her,' or 'you can't spend the night here,' or 'she's just going to be hurting and scream.'
We missed so much and hurt so much; it will never be forgotten and I don't know that the scars will ever go away. I didn't get to give Ilse her first bath. I had to send my three week old baby into surgery, and I didn't know if she'd come out since she was so tiny. I nearly ripped her g-tube out because some doctor made me cry to the point of not seeing it there since he refused to take my concern about her cataracts seriously. I went to change her diaper one day and her little butt hole was bleeding and the nurses weren't doing anything about it. Another day her butt was yellow-- yellow, because the nurses didn't wipe her properly and her poop stained her. No matter how much I wiped the color wouldn't change back. Turning around and leaving her at that NICU so many times was unbearable. I pushed my recovery just so I could be with her. I drove five days after surgery and had no more pain by six days. I needed to see her. I can't imagine how she felt laying there in the NICU with the person she'd spend the last 7 1/2 months with gone. I'm so thankful that she mostly slept. Many times I'd be up at the hospital past 11 at night, just because I couldn't make myself leave. I'd cry on the way to the hospital sometimes, feeling incredible guilt, because I had taken till 10am to get back up there. I bought her so many blankets because that was all I could give her. She barfed so much that she used upwards of six blankets a day, a good day. I was washing giant loads of her blankets every other day, and I couldn't bear not to take them up to her. At first the hospital wrapped her in a horribly faded brown and pink blanket, and they didn't understand why I didn't want her to use it. It wasn't soft enough or cute enough for someone loved as much as my Ilse. I hatched a plan to lose that blanket since it kept showing up at her bed; finally I brought it home to wash it and I never took it back. Someday I'll burn it. :) I know I bought so much stuff for her room to make it up to her that she was in an ugly NICU for a month, and for having medical problems. I made her a tree so that her room wouldn't be ugly.
Most parents have lots of stuff to say to their babies. All I had for the longest time was "Ilse, you're ok! I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Empty words. Now I just remind her that she's mommy's baby. Mommy's baby Ilse. Mommy's peach. Mommy's peachy baby Ilse. :)
Some doctors told me that Ilse was so incredibly behind developmentally. Some nurses ruined the birth day for my family. I left a phone charger up at the Allen hospital, and three months later I still can't make myself go back up to that hospital to get it.
Even though the experience of Ilse's first month was horrible and so far, unforgettable, my Ilse is perfect. She is exactly the way God made her, and she is mine. (Ours, but really mine, since I have the milk, you know.) I know she is God's but he gave her to me and I am going to cherish her, teach her, and I'm determined not to miss another minute of her precious life. She is God's gift to me, and she is daily proof of his love.
I'm so thankful that now she is home where she belongs.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
My Smiling, Growing Up Baby
Ilse has started smiling. They're infrequent, but earlier today she smiled at me five times in a row when I was making kissing noises at her. Her smiles are a bit crooked.... she kinda squints one eye and smiles mostly with one side of her mouth. It is super cute. I am searching the house for the camera charging cord so I can video her. Yes, my house is that, well, it's that something and it makes me lose things.
Ilse is doing some other cute things, too. She has started to pull blankets and things close to her face. It's like she's cuddling with them as she sleeps. She has also started to pull her legs up under her butt, hiking her booty in the air.
She is still pretty congested. If it doesn't go away semi soon, I'll consider eliminating dairy from my diet, although the doctor told me that for that to be a problem for her, I'd have to be drinking multiple glasses of milk a day. I'm not (well, sometimes I am, if we have Oreos in the house. Or 'Nilla Wafers.), but I wasn't when this cold/allergies started, so that's not likely the problem. I really think it is allergies to something, because it is attached to a million and five sneezes. Ilse is the sneezing Queen. Five or more in a row is common!!
The therapist today was incredibly impressed with Ilse's swallowing. We were syringing milk into her mouth, and she swallowed it all. She even closes her mouth around the syringe like she is supposed to. As soon as it is possible, I'll pursue the lactation consultant option to see if we can get going on this. And I'm still planning on having Ilse see an ENT to see if there is anything wrong with her palette. It's possible that she could be fitted with a prosthesis that would cover her high palette and give her something to suck against. We'll see. The therapist mentioned that option and I read about it in a book (or somewhere-- I don't remember since I'm sure it was the middle of the night) and maybe, just maybe it is an option to help our baby out a bit.
I'm expecting to go to the doctor in September and have them tell me that Ilse's head is no longer small. I have a theory about her head size. Supposedly (and it really is supposedly) she grew extra big bodywise because of extra sugar. If that is the case, it only affects her body, and thus her head would seem small. We'll see.
Also, we are supposed to be getting results from the SLO testing the week of August 8. I am trying not to think about it too much because there is no speeding it up and there is no predicting what the results will be. There are so many good opinions on both sides of the issue. Tim and I lean one way some days and the other way other days. Either way it goes, Ilse is doing really well. She's completely on target developmentally with the exception of her neck muscles, and she is dramatically improving there. We love her and are so thankful to be the parents to a wonderful Ilse Joy.
*Note about the boys: They are growing!!! I'm going to have to measure Christopher specifically because no matter how much I feed him he still looks too skinny to me, and he seems tired lately. He is shooting up, so he must be in a growth spurt, or something. Both of them need new tennis shoes, because even Joey's from last year are too small for Christopher this year. Wow. I love taking them shopping, but for my sanity we're going to have to wait until it is a little cooler. I'm thankful for Old Navy flip flops!
Also, both boys are speaking better and better. Bam-Bam shocked me the other day with how quickly he said something, and Joey is using bigger and bigger words. What blessings both my boys are.
The Lord has been so good to bless us with three kids. Come November we've got to make a decision about fostering. Our inactive status expires then, and I believe that if we don't go active then, we lose our license and would have to redo EVERYTHING to ever adopt or foster again. Right now I don't know that I could handle a foster child (the paperwork and excessive rules), but maybe by November I'll feel differently. Honestly, we're considering, if we start fostering again, requesting a child/baby on a feeding tube. Homes for medically needy kids are hard to find, and we definitely have the experience. There are many things to consider, because it would even mean rearranging the boys room to fit another bed in there, and we could really only take a boy. Furthermore, our agency came down with this ridiculous ruling that you must accept any and all children you get calls about, because if it wasn't the Lord's will for you to foster that child, you wouldn't get a call about him/her. That's just dumb, in our opinion, but, that's what they think. Lots, lots, lots to think and pray about.
This post has to be done, because I need to go pick up my wonderful husband who took our boys to the park. Ahhh, a couple hours of quiet with my Ilse has been nice, and I got a lot done. :)
Ilse is doing some other cute things, too. She has started to pull blankets and things close to her face. It's like she's cuddling with them as she sleeps. She has also started to pull her legs up under her butt, hiking her booty in the air.
She is still pretty congested. If it doesn't go away semi soon, I'll consider eliminating dairy from my diet, although the doctor told me that for that to be a problem for her, I'd have to be drinking multiple glasses of milk a day. I'm not (well, sometimes I am, if we have Oreos in the house. Or 'Nilla Wafers.), but I wasn't when this cold/allergies started, so that's not likely the problem. I really think it is allergies to something, because it is attached to a million and five sneezes. Ilse is the sneezing Queen. Five or more in a row is common!!
The therapist today was incredibly impressed with Ilse's swallowing. We were syringing milk into her mouth, and she swallowed it all. She even closes her mouth around the syringe like she is supposed to. As soon as it is possible, I'll pursue the lactation consultant option to see if we can get going on this. And I'm still planning on having Ilse see an ENT to see if there is anything wrong with her palette. It's possible that she could be fitted with a prosthesis that would cover her high palette and give her something to suck against. We'll see. The therapist mentioned that option and I read about it in a book (or somewhere-- I don't remember since I'm sure it was the middle of the night) and maybe, just maybe it is an option to help our baby out a bit.
I'm expecting to go to the doctor in September and have them tell me that Ilse's head is no longer small. I have a theory about her head size. Supposedly (and it really is supposedly) she grew extra big bodywise because of extra sugar. If that is the case, it only affects her body, and thus her head would seem small. We'll see.
Also, we are supposed to be getting results from the SLO testing the week of August 8. I am trying not to think about it too much because there is no speeding it up and there is no predicting what the results will be. There are so many good opinions on both sides of the issue. Tim and I lean one way some days and the other way other days. Either way it goes, Ilse is doing really well. She's completely on target developmentally with the exception of her neck muscles, and she is dramatically improving there. We love her and are so thankful to be the parents to a wonderful Ilse Joy.
*Note about the boys: They are growing!!! I'm going to have to measure Christopher specifically because no matter how much I feed him he still looks too skinny to me, and he seems tired lately. He is shooting up, so he must be in a growth spurt, or something. Both of them need new tennis shoes, because even Joey's from last year are too small for Christopher this year. Wow. I love taking them shopping, but for my sanity we're going to have to wait until it is a little cooler. I'm thankful for Old Navy flip flops!
Also, both boys are speaking better and better. Bam-Bam shocked me the other day with how quickly he said something, and Joey is using bigger and bigger words. What blessings both my boys are.
The Lord has been so good to bless us with three kids. Come November we've got to make a decision about fostering. Our inactive status expires then, and I believe that if we don't go active then, we lose our license and would have to redo EVERYTHING to ever adopt or foster again. Right now I don't know that I could handle a foster child (the paperwork and excessive rules), but maybe by November I'll feel differently. Honestly, we're considering, if we start fostering again, requesting a child/baby on a feeding tube. Homes for medically needy kids are hard to find, and we definitely have the experience. There are many things to consider, because it would even mean rearranging the boys room to fit another bed in there, and we could really only take a boy. Furthermore, our agency came down with this ridiculous ruling that you must accept any and all children you get calls about, because if it wasn't the Lord's will for you to foster that child, you wouldn't get a call about him/her. That's just dumb, in our opinion, but, that's what they think. Lots, lots, lots to think and pray about.
This post has to be done, because I need to go pick up my wonderful husband who took our boys to the park. Ahhh, a couple hours of quiet with my Ilse has been nice, and I got a lot done. :)
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
This is the song that is encouraging me today...
especially the bolded parts.
God Can Do Anything
Is there anyone who can ever do
Anything that he wants to do?
Yes, God can, God can do all His holy will!
I'm so glad that God watches over me,
And He always does what is best for me,
And God will, always, do all His holy will.
God never changes, He remains the same;
He has a plan to glorify His name.
Man makes a plan, but God directs his way;
He is doing all His holy will each day!
Is there anyone who can ever do
Anything that he wants to do?
Yes, God can, God can do all His holy will!
I'm so glad that God watches over me,
And He always does what is best for me,
And God will, always, do all His holy will.
We never need to worry or to fear;
God has control of all things far and near.
If we should stand or even if we fall,
God is working out His purpose in it all!
Is there anyone who can ever do
Anything that he wants to do?
Yes, God can, God can do all His holy will!
I'm so glad that God watches over me,
And He always does what is best for me,
And God will, always, do all His holy will.
Yes, God will, always, do all His holy will.
© 1995 Judy Rogers
God Can Do Anything
Is there anyone who can ever do
Anything that he wants to do?
Yes, God can, God can do all His holy will!
I'm so glad that God watches over me,
And He always does what is best for me,
And God will, always, do all His holy will.
God never changes, He remains the same;
He has a plan to glorify His name.
Man makes a plan, but God directs his way;
He is doing all His holy will each day!
Is there anyone who can ever do
Anything that he wants to do?
Yes, God can, God can do all His holy will!
I'm so glad that God watches over me,
And He always does what is best for me,
And God will, always, do all His holy will.
We never need to worry or to fear;
God has control of all things far and near.
If we should stand or even if we fall,
God is working out His purpose in it all!
Is there anyone who can ever do
Anything that he wants to do?
Yes, God can, God can do all His holy will!
I'm so glad that God watches over me,
And He always does what is best for me,
And God will, always, do all His holy will.
Yes, God will, always, do all His holy will.
© 1995 Judy Rogers
Sunday, May 1, 2011
More Birth Prep (Week 34), and Thankfulness
I've written down in my calendar when I need to have certain things done by.... but we're moving it all up again. We just don't want to be caught off guard, and with the amount of achy-ness/tiredness I've been experiencing, we're just wondering really how long my blood pressure will stay acceptable. I've started to notice some swelling in my feet, hands, and legs, so if it gets bad or gets to my face, that'll be the end of the waiting. My poor toes look like tiny appendages coming out from a giant sausage foot. :)
My ultrasound for week 34 is Monday. I'm betting they'll tell me Ilse is upwards of five pounds and that I've gained 10 in the past two weeks. I wouldn't be surprised at all. Of course, after doing some reading, I've learned that a gain of more than two pounds a week is a reflection of blood pressure, so I'll be relieved if I've really only gained four pounds.
I've mostly completed my list of items necessary to have here when we come home from the hospital. Mom told me of some things I never would have thought of, and we are planning this shopping trip on May 8. It won't be fun. Shopping is already not fun, but maybe if I nap a very long time day before, I'll be able to get through it. ;)
I think Dad is helping us paint Ilse's room Tuesday or Wednesday of this week, and the following Wednesday (because I think by then I will have mostly recuperated from our May 8 shopping trip) I am going to buy some nightgowns, because I don't want to wear a hospital one.
Soon I'm going to recruit Ivy to do some bodily beautifying on me, like paint my toes, unless I can do it myself. I might still be able to, since I just did it a couple weeks ago. I think I'm done with this green, though. I need to choose another fab color for the fab day to come.
I cleaned my bathroom floor tonight, and I'm hoping that tomorrow morning I'll be able to do some vacuuming. It seems like wanting to do vacuuming is my recurring theme..... :)
I'm also seriously considering making a doctor appointment for my wrist. It is still hurting, and nothing I'm doing is making it feel better. I know what I really need is an anti-inflammatory, but that just isn't allowed. I'd also like to talk to the doctor about getting some other medicine for a condition that may, or may not, be going around. I'd just like to be proactive considering I don't think getting this condition that may, or may not, be going around would be good for my blood pressure. :) I do love everyone, though. :)
Here's something else that has been on my mind, and please, bear with me since this is a bit of a soap box.
I am more than thankful to be pregnant. I'm rejoicing in each and every new symptom or issue because it means....... I'M PREGNANT. Wow, it's still amazing to me that God did this. So even if I say I'm tired, or I say I'm concerned about my blood pressure, or if I say that I'm having trouble getting my vacuuming done, or if I say I'm peeing constantly and sitting in the church nursery on Sundays now because the only maternity skirt I have is so short I can't sit modestly in the service and the chair is killing my wrist and tailbone anyway..... et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.....
I'm STILL thankful that I'm pregnant, and none of those comments should be taken as complaining, because I'm really not. I'm so happy to be experiencing even this complete exhaustion. I'm so thankful that my wrist hurts enough to make want to cuss but I HAVEN'T :) and I'm so pleased to spend money that isn't in the bank account yet to have a delicious epidural, and I'm uber uber thankful that my feet are swollen and my skin on my belly is itchy and stretched and doesn't even feel like mine anymore.
God created an amazing little life and he blessed me with the experience of pregnancy that I have wanted to have for such a tremendously long time.
So please, hear my comments and don't think I'm complaining. I don't feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever (yet) even though I have been known to cry lately because I feel so stupid for being so tired and making Tim do all the work, but I'm still amazingly HAPPY.
My ultrasound for week 34 is Monday. I'm betting they'll tell me Ilse is upwards of five pounds and that I've gained 10 in the past two weeks. I wouldn't be surprised at all. Of course, after doing some reading, I've learned that a gain of more than two pounds a week is a reflection of blood pressure, so I'll be relieved if I've really only gained four pounds.
I've mostly completed my list of items necessary to have here when we come home from the hospital. Mom told me of some things I never would have thought of, and we are planning this shopping trip on May 8. It won't be fun. Shopping is already not fun, but maybe if I nap a very long time day before, I'll be able to get through it. ;)
I think Dad is helping us paint Ilse's room Tuesday or Wednesday of this week, and the following Wednesday (because I think by then I will have mostly recuperated from our May 8 shopping trip) I am going to buy some nightgowns, because I don't want to wear a hospital one.
Soon I'm going to recruit Ivy to do some bodily beautifying on me, like paint my toes, unless I can do it myself. I might still be able to, since I just did it a couple weeks ago. I think I'm done with this green, though. I need to choose another fab color for the fab day to come.
I cleaned my bathroom floor tonight, and I'm hoping that tomorrow morning I'll be able to do some vacuuming. It seems like wanting to do vacuuming is my recurring theme..... :)
I'm also seriously considering making a doctor appointment for my wrist. It is still hurting, and nothing I'm doing is making it feel better. I know what I really need is an anti-inflammatory, but that just isn't allowed. I'd also like to talk to the doctor about getting some other medicine for a condition that may, or may not, be going around. I'd just like to be proactive considering I don't think getting this condition that may, or may not, be going around would be good for my blood pressure. :) I do love everyone, though. :)
Here's something else that has been on my mind, and please, bear with me since this is a bit of a soap box.
I am more than thankful to be pregnant. I'm rejoicing in each and every new symptom or issue because it means....... I'M PREGNANT. Wow, it's still amazing to me that God did this. So even if I say I'm tired, or I say I'm concerned about my blood pressure, or if I say that I'm having trouble getting my vacuuming done, or if I say I'm peeing constantly and sitting in the church nursery on Sundays now because the only maternity skirt I have is so short I can't sit modestly in the service and the chair is killing my wrist and tailbone anyway..... et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.....
I'm STILL thankful that I'm pregnant, and none of those comments should be taken as complaining, because I'm really not. I'm so happy to be experiencing even this complete exhaustion. I'm so thankful that my wrist hurts enough to make want to cuss but I HAVEN'T :) and I'm so pleased to spend money that isn't in the bank account yet to have a delicious epidural, and I'm uber uber thankful that my feet are swollen and my skin on my belly is itchy and stretched and doesn't even feel like mine anymore.
God created an amazing little life and he blessed me with the experience of pregnancy that I have wanted to have for such a tremendously long time.
So please, hear my comments and don't think I'm complaining. I don't feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever (yet) even though I have been known to cry lately because I feel so stupid for being so tired and making Tim do all the work, but I'm still amazingly HAPPY.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Grief
We're so sad today since sweet Baby Knox has left this earth and has joined his Lord in heaven. We grieve for the Robinson family; they have been through so much this last year, with a miscarriage, a high risk pregnancy, and then the temporary loss of health.... and finally, the temporal loss of their precious son Knox.
We bless God for His gracious, sustaining hand. We weep for our hurting family. We praise God for the gift of His Son, who He sacrificed for us, that we might know Him.
Please, please pray for our family, Hyde, Jess, Tate, and Canon. We praise God for their son Knox. Even though he was only on earth a little while, we know he was God's amazing gift to his family and to all who know them. We'll never forget God's love to them and we recognize that even though this is incredibly difficult, God knows all and is in control of ALL.
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
We bless God for His gracious, sustaining hand. We weep for our hurting family. We praise God for the gift of His Son, who He sacrificed for us, that we might know Him.
Please, please pray for our family, Hyde, Jess, Tate, and Canon. We praise God for their son Knox. Even though he was only on earth a little while, we know he was God's amazing gift to his family and to all who know them. We'll never forget God's love to them and we recognize that even though this is incredibly difficult, God knows all and is in control of ALL.
Blessed be the name of the Lord!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Testimony to God's Sovereignty
God is sovereign, and although I doubted it many, many times during our trial of infertility, we've had some amazing proof since that He was always in control.
I've written before about how we wouldn't have gotten our precious boys were it not for the infertility and various other decisions we made, like taking a break from foster care to deal with the depression and other emotions of infertility. The whole situation of getting the boys was proof of God's being in control.
Well, the day we signed the placement papers for the boys, we got another proof of God's sovereignty, and we had it pretty much confirmed last night.
We don't have maternity insurance, and we have no hope of getting any until Tim gets a job. And yet, we will end up getting enough money in our tax return to pay for the baby.
The chain of events that has occurred to make this possible is so incredible, especially since I fought against it nearly every step of the way.
You know what happened?
That horrendous health care bill got passed. Yep, even though I fought it, yelled at the TV all the way through the voting, nearly had a heart attack with the stress of it all.... God is still in control of our government no matter how evil the people are who run it.
You know what was in that bill? Money to everyone who adopts kids. Not just tax credits, but money the government gives you. What a blessing to all who adopted someone!
So had we not been infertile, had we not stopped fostering when we did to deal with infertility, had Obama not gotten elected, had the government actually listened to the people, had we not said 'yes' to the boys (my amazing, precious sons!).... then, when the wonder of wonders happened...... when we got pregnant at the perfect time, GOD'S perfect time, we wouldn't have had the money to pay for the baby.
We are just amazed at how God worked it all out. All the pain, all the anger, all the struggle... still, God knew when the perfect time for the boys' adoption would be, He knew when He would cause a pregnancy that by all accounts wasn't going to happen, and He knew the laws that would be passed to pay for it.
AND, the tax return will probably get here with a few weeks to spare for the birth. What timing. What graciousness. What sovereignty. What faithfulness.
I've written before about how we wouldn't have gotten our precious boys were it not for the infertility and various other decisions we made, like taking a break from foster care to deal with the depression and other emotions of infertility. The whole situation of getting the boys was proof of God's being in control.
Well, the day we signed the placement papers for the boys, we got another proof of God's sovereignty, and we had it pretty much confirmed last night.
We don't have maternity insurance, and we have no hope of getting any until Tim gets a job. And yet, we will end up getting enough money in our tax return to pay for the baby.
The chain of events that has occurred to make this possible is so incredible, especially since I fought against it nearly every step of the way.
You know what happened?
That horrendous health care bill got passed. Yep, even though I fought it, yelled at the TV all the way through the voting, nearly had a heart attack with the stress of it all.... God is still in control of our government no matter how evil the people are who run it.
You know what was in that bill? Money to everyone who adopts kids. Not just tax credits, but money the government gives you. What a blessing to all who adopted someone!
So had we not been infertile, had we not stopped fostering when we did to deal with infertility, had Obama not gotten elected, had the government actually listened to the people, had we not said 'yes' to the boys (my amazing, precious sons!).... then, when the wonder of wonders happened...... when we got pregnant at the perfect time, GOD'S perfect time, we wouldn't have had the money to pay for the baby.
We are just amazed at how God worked it all out. All the pain, all the anger, all the struggle... still, God knew when the perfect time for the boys' adoption would be, He knew when He would cause a pregnancy that by all accounts wasn't going to happen, and He knew the laws that would be passed to pay for it.
AND, the tax return will probably get here with a few weeks to spare for the birth. What timing. What graciousness. What sovereignty. What faithfulness.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Christmas Day
I loved today. I loved watching our boys experience family, gifts, Luke 2, Bapaw crying at the same verse as every other year, Mamaw's good food, sweet aunties and uncles, wonderful cousins, Ya-Ya and Papau, warm baths and bed.
We opened our presents this morning at home, and the boys loved each one. We only filmed the first present each, and then we took pictures of the rest. We wanted to enjoy thoroughly this day that we've been waiting so long for, and I'm glad to say we did.
(I had a video to put here, but it would not load.)
After we finished here at home, we left for Mamaw and Bapaw's house, where we opened more presents, after dad read Luke 2.
Ivy gave the kids fireman raincoats... boy, do they love them!
And here is the part that made me cry: Mom and Dad included 'Precious Baby Minich' with a card and some money. So sweet!
After we ate a giant and a half lunch at my mom's and followed it up with dessert after we could stuff more in, we headed out to the Minichs were the boys got to see their Ya-Ya and Papau, the girls and Uncle Bob. The boys always enjoy going out there... they get so excited to go see Ya-Ya, and knowing they would likely get more presents made them even more excited.
I began falling apart soon after we got there. Pregnancy is kicking my butt lately, since I've been tired and a bit sick. (Today I actually had a good appetite and could eat some, but I still have not gained a pound. In fact, I'm lighter than I was at Thanksgiving. Surely that will change soon.) I nearly fell down twice just standing in Ya-Ya's living room. Time to head back to Mamaw's to see the Fasolinos, who always walk over. We also got to see Cabe and Kylah for a bit. It was Cabe's first time meeting our precious boys.
We stayed there only a little bit, and then we hightailed it home to get some sleep. Of course, I'm not in bed yet, but at least I'm resting.
Tomorrow will be another long day, since we are leaving church immediately to go see if the puppy we want is at the shelter. Maybe we can remember to use the word 'adopt' when talking to the shelter people instead of 'buy'. :)
I hope everyone of you had a very fabulous Christmas!
We opened our presents this morning at home, and the boys loved each one. We only filmed the first present each, and then we took pictures of the rest. We wanted to enjoy thoroughly this day that we've been waiting so long for, and I'm glad to say we did.
(I had a video to put here, but it would not load.)
After we finished here at home, we left for Mamaw and Bapaw's house, where we opened more presents, after dad read Luke 2.
Ivy gave the kids fireman raincoats... boy, do they love them!
And here is the part that made me cry: Mom and Dad included 'Precious Baby Minich' with a card and some money. So sweet!
After we ate a giant and a half lunch at my mom's and followed it up with dessert after we could stuff more in, we headed out to the Minichs were the boys got to see their Ya-Ya and Papau, the girls and Uncle Bob. The boys always enjoy going out there... they get so excited to go see Ya-Ya, and knowing they would likely get more presents made them even more excited.
I began falling apart soon after we got there. Pregnancy is kicking my butt lately, since I've been tired and a bit sick. (Today I actually had a good appetite and could eat some, but I still have not gained a pound. In fact, I'm lighter than I was at Thanksgiving. Surely that will change soon.) I nearly fell down twice just standing in Ya-Ya's living room. Time to head back to Mamaw's to see the Fasolinos, who always walk over. We also got to see Cabe and Kylah for a bit. It was Cabe's first time meeting our precious boys.
We stayed there only a little bit, and then we hightailed it home to get some sleep. Of course, I'm not in bed yet, but at least I'm resting.
Tomorrow will be another long day, since we are leaving church immediately to go see if the puppy we want is at the shelter. Maybe we can remember to use the word 'adopt' when talking to the shelter people instead of 'buy'. :)
I hope everyone of you had a very fabulous Christmas!
Monday, December 6, 2010
Resistance is futile....
except it can't be futile! I have to resist starting to buy things for the nursery.
I have waited a very long time, and surely, surely (!) I can wait a few more months, right?!?
I want to buy a crib so badly! And a changing table...... I know just what I want but I am determined to find it on Craigslist for a fabulous deal. There is a cherry wood crib in Sachse now for only 80 bucks, and while it isn't exactly perfect according to my imagination, I wouldn't hate it. It seems like the changing table will be more expensive than the crib. I am going to paint the guest room (the nursery!) a fabulous color according to the sex of the baby... I won't keep it green, I don't believe. If we are having an Ilse, we are going to girl up the nursery to delicious heights of femininity, and if we're having a Jonathan, (I confess, I'm not exactly sure how I will decorate a boy's room.) I haven't spent much time the last seven years picturing myself decorating for/having a boy. I've been convinced this whole time that if I ever did get pregnant then it would be a girl, and so if it is indeed a boy (like my dear friend is having) then I will have to have a crash course in boys.
Yes, the boys are boys, BUT they don't much care about their room, and for some reason, it has just come together. Just the other day I bought a fabulous little plaque for their room that they love, mostly they love it because it is for their room, not because it is particularly boyish.
What I'm trying to say in such a roundabout way is that the baby's room needs to have a theme, in my opinion, even if it is just a color theme. I really want to decorate in bugs, but I'm rather afraid that sometime there will be a real bug in there, and I won't notice it until it scares the living daylights out of me, and I toss the baby in the air or something.
The boys' room doesn't have a theme except bright colors, and they certainly don't care. Maybe I think the boys need to have a say in their room, while I am determined to do the baby's room without any say from her or him. :) No kidding.
So I have to resist all this delicious buying until February or March. I'm thinking we'll have our tax return by then, and I'm planning on spending some of it to reacquaint myself with my dreams. We'll supposedly find out what this baby is at the end of January, and then nothing will be able to restrain me (except good sense) from giving in to decorating and planning fever.
I'll post pics as I decorate! And, I want to share it with everyone who loves me. Maybe I can get my Mommy to go shopping with me. And Ivy said she wants to register with me, although, I confess, I don't know what I would register for. What do babies need, anyway? :)
I have waited a very long time, and surely, surely (!) I can wait a few more months, right?!?
I want to buy a crib so badly! And a changing table...... I know just what I want but I am determined to find it on Craigslist for a fabulous deal. There is a cherry wood crib in Sachse now for only 80 bucks, and while it isn't exactly perfect according to my imagination, I wouldn't hate it. It seems like the changing table will be more expensive than the crib. I am going to paint the guest room (the nursery!) a fabulous color according to the sex of the baby... I won't keep it green, I don't believe. If we are having an Ilse, we are going to girl up the nursery to delicious heights of femininity, and if we're having a Jonathan, (I confess, I'm not exactly sure how I will decorate a boy's room.) I haven't spent much time the last seven years picturing myself decorating for/having a boy. I've been convinced this whole time that if I ever did get pregnant then it would be a girl, and so if it is indeed a boy (like my dear friend is having) then I will have to have a crash course in boys.
Yes, the boys are boys, BUT they don't much care about their room, and for some reason, it has just come together. Just the other day I bought a fabulous little plaque for their room that they love, mostly they love it because it is for their room, not because it is particularly boyish.
What I'm trying to say in such a roundabout way is that the baby's room needs to have a theme, in my opinion, even if it is just a color theme. I really want to decorate in bugs, but I'm rather afraid that sometime there will be a real bug in there, and I won't notice it until it scares the living daylights out of me, and I toss the baby in the air or something.
The boys' room doesn't have a theme except bright colors, and they certainly don't care. Maybe I think the boys need to have a say in their room, while I am determined to do the baby's room without any say from her or him. :) No kidding.
So I have to resist all this delicious buying until February or March. I'm thinking we'll have our tax return by then, and I'm planning on spending some of it to reacquaint myself with my dreams. We'll supposedly find out what this baby is at the end of January, and then nothing will be able to restrain me (except good sense) from giving in to decorating and planning fever.
I'll post pics as I decorate! And, I want to share it with everyone who loves me. Maybe I can get my Mommy to go shopping with me. And Ivy said she wants to register with me, although, I confess, I don't know what I would register for. What do babies need, anyway? :)
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving
I haven't posted in a while, and it has probably been a good thing since I am having trouble putting coherent thoughts and sentences together.
I don't think I've ever been this exhausted. And you know what? I'm loving every minute of it.
Since I wrote last, I painted the boys' bunk beds mostly by myself. Marc and Ivy came over and helped us switch the two rooms so the boys would have more space to play. That was work, let me tell you. We consummated the boys' adoption last Saturday (and what a wonderful day it was!) and then prepared for our giant party AND thanksgiving all of the beginning of this week.
Today we celebrated our first Thanksgiving as bonafide parents; we have our two precious boys and the little baby who is 12 weeks on Sunday. I didn't take any pictures; I think other family members did, but I was so tired I only thought about pictures once. I did make sure to give each of my children the first bite on their plates and ask them if they loved it. Christopher ate seconds of the potatoes I made, while we had to make Joey finish his food. I don't know why he was acting so funny about eating; usually he is a human garbage disposal. :) At any rate, he was certainly hungry again by dessert time. I let him pick two kinds of pie. I had thought all day that I would do tiny slivers of each kind for him, but tiny slivers of 21 pies is STILL 21 pieces of pie. I was too tired to cut that much, so I gave up after two.
The boys played happily all day with their cousins, and one of these days I'll get a picture of the reading parties Mamaw always has on her giant king size bed. Will, Luke, Abby, and Joey sit quietly for many stories, while Bam-Bam runs back and forth from the bedroom to the living room. Sooner or later he'll learn to appreciate good books and time with his family. Right now he just needs action, I guess.
We managed not to have too many disasters today, although we thought we had one when Charlie got woken up because of an unfortunate incident, but with some hard work he went back to sleep. Someone brought dirt into the house, but the trusty dusty macmuum took care of that.
Nothing got broken, and we loved playing Foster-style poker. Then, I beat all the girls at Boggle, which is shocking because I have pregnancy brain going on. I think it was the word 'naked' that did it. That and 'better', 'butter', and 'butters'. Handy dandy words. I found 'luau', but Ivy did too. Kim was always announcing that she'd found her perfect word, but there was only one time that she was the only one who had it. Ellen was Queen of the Dictionary.
I am beat. The next two days will be spend getting ready for our party. There isn't two much to do, but a little bit seems like an ocean of work to me these days. I'm so thankful that the weather seems like it will be bounce house friendly!
God has blessed us unbelievably this year, beyond all that we asked or thought. I had stopped praying for a baby, but he gave us one anyway. I can't wait until next year when the boys can understand the concept of 'Thanksgiving' more. It will be so special to sit there and list things we're thankful for.
I know what I will be thankful for. 'Scalped' potatoes.
Yum!
I don't think I've ever been this exhausted. And you know what? I'm loving every minute of it.
Since I wrote last, I painted the boys' bunk beds mostly by myself. Marc and Ivy came over and helped us switch the two rooms so the boys would have more space to play. That was work, let me tell you. We consummated the boys' adoption last Saturday (and what a wonderful day it was!) and then prepared for our giant party AND thanksgiving all of the beginning of this week.
Today we celebrated our first Thanksgiving as bonafide parents; we have our two precious boys and the little baby who is 12 weeks on Sunday. I didn't take any pictures; I think other family members did, but I was so tired I only thought about pictures once. I did make sure to give each of my children the first bite on their plates and ask them if they loved it. Christopher ate seconds of the potatoes I made, while we had to make Joey finish his food. I don't know why he was acting so funny about eating; usually he is a human garbage disposal. :) At any rate, he was certainly hungry again by dessert time. I let him pick two kinds of pie. I had thought all day that I would do tiny slivers of each kind for him, but tiny slivers of 21 pies is STILL 21 pieces of pie. I was too tired to cut that much, so I gave up after two.
The boys played happily all day with their cousins, and one of these days I'll get a picture of the reading parties Mamaw always has on her giant king size bed. Will, Luke, Abby, and Joey sit quietly for many stories, while Bam-Bam runs back and forth from the bedroom to the living room. Sooner or later he'll learn to appreciate good books and time with his family. Right now he just needs action, I guess.
We managed not to have too many disasters today, although we thought we had one when Charlie got woken up because of an unfortunate incident, but with some hard work he went back to sleep. Someone brought dirt into the house, but the trusty dusty macmuum took care of that.
Nothing got broken, and we loved playing Foster-style poker. Then, I beat all the girls at Boggle, which is shocking because I have pregnancy brain going on. I think it was the word 'naked' that did it. That and 'better', 'butter', and 'butters'. Handy dandy words. I found 'luau', but Ivy did too. Kim was always announcing that she'd found her perfect word, but there was only one time that she was the only one who had it. Ellen was Queen of the Dictionary.
I am beat. The next two days will be spend getting ready for our party. There isn't two much to do, but a little bit seems like an ocean of work to me these days. I'm so thankful that the weather seems like it will be bounce house friendly!
God has blessed us unbelievably this year, beyond all that we asked or thought. I had stopped praying for a baby, but he gave us one anyway. I can't wait until next year when the boys can understand the concept of 'Thanksgiving' more. It will be so special to sit there and list things we're thankful for.
I know what I will be thankful for. 'Scalped' potatoes.
Yum!
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Day For Which We've Been Waiting
(Did anyone notice my correct grammar in the title? :) )
Saturday, November 20, is coming up fast. It is only 6 days away! Tim and I are unbelievably excited. To have the state out of our business, to have our own children in our house answerable only to us (and God of course, but I shouldn't have to make disclaimers), to know that so long as we follow the law no one but God can take them away from us... and the list goes on.
We can't wait to love these children until God takes them home, hopefully long after we die.
Joseph is currently learning how he has to obey. This is, apparently, a very hard concept. Honestly, I don't remember learning it. All I remember is knowing that a child is supposed to obey. I don't think Joey even thinks anyone can tell him what to do. He is generally compliant, but sometimes he gets in a mood where every single thing he does is wrong. And I can't tie it to anything. I can't say it's because we did anything differently, or because there is a weird situation someone involving him, or anything. Sometimes it's just out of the blue. He just wants to ignore Bam-Bam, or he just wants to take Bam-Bam's toy and not give it back. Or he just refuses to say he's sorry, or he won't stop being loud, or he won't keep his mouth off the shopping cart, or whatever it is. Today he did something (it was the first in a long line of infractions and I've forgotten what it was) and we sent him to time out on his bed. Well, instantaneously there was bawling. And bawling! And bawling! He wouldn't stop. Was he sad that he had disobeyed? No. He was involved in self-pity. Tim went in and talked to him because I just couldn't, and he explained to our baby Yoey and it is one thing to cry with a broken and contrite heart, and it is something entirely different to cry in self pity. It is entirely unacceptable. And you know what? He stopped his bawling and worked on his attitude.
This is going to be a long process. No one has ever taught these kids how to obey.
I remember the first or second day we had the boys, and Christopher just wouldn't do anything we said. NOTHING. I had never seen anything like it. So I took him into his room, and after he stopped screaming 'NO!', we had obedience practice. Sit down. Stand up. Sit down. Stand up. Ad infititum ad nauseum, but he learned. And he has known what obey meant every since. Does he always do it? Ummm, no. Not even close. But at least he knows what it means.
We're still working on explaining to Joey the concept of he HAS to obey, and parental authority, and all that. Like I said, it will be a long process. And sometimes I get discouraged, because even though they seem to behave pretty well when people are watching, people don't see the horrendous things they do sometimes. Like the other day when I (ignorantly, apparently, but WHO could have known) left Bam-Bam on the potty to poop and he played in it. I had no idea a three year old would take it into his head to just dip his hands in and spread the water everywhere, but he did.... and now he won't ever again. I've left him there a couple times since, and he hasn't done it again.
On the whole, the boys are doing fabulously. Their speech, mobility, attitudes, understanding about life, and general outlook are amazing. We're so thankful for them, and we can't wait until the boys truly are Minichs.
Saturday, November 20, is coming up fast. It is only 6 days away! Tim and I are unbelievably excited. To have the state out of our business, to have our own children in our house answerable only to us (and God of course, but I shouldn't have to make disclaimers), to know that so long as we follow the law no one but God can take them away from us... and the list goes on.
We can't wait to love these children until God takes them home, hopefully long after we die.
Joseph is currently learning how he has to obey. This is, apparently, a very hard concept. Honestly, I don't remember learning it. All I remember is knowing that a child is supposed to obey. I don't think Joey even thinks anyone can tell him what to do. He is generally compliant, but sometimes he gets in a mood where every single thing he does is wrong. And I can't tie it to anything. I can't say it's because we did anything differently, or because there is a weird situation someone involving him, or anything. Sometimes it's just out of the blue. He just wants to ignore Bam-Bam, or he just wants to take Bam-Bam's toy and not give it back. Or he just refuses to say he's sorry, or he won't stop being loud, or he won't keep his mouth off the shopping cart, or whatever it is. Today he did something (it was the first in a long line of infractions and I've forgotten what it was) and we sent him to time out on his bed. Well, instantaneously there was bawling. And bawling! And bawling! He wouldn't stop. Was he sad that he had disobeyed? No. He was involved in self-pity. Tim went in and talked to him because I just couldn't, and he explained to our baby Yoey and it is one thing to cry with a broken and contrite heart, and it is something entirely different to cry in self pity. It is entirely unacceptable. And you know what? He stopped his bawling and worked on his attitude.
This is going to be a long process. No one has ever taught these kids how to obey.
I remember the first or second day we had the boys, and Christopher just wouldn't do anything we said. NOTHING. I had never seen anything like it. So I took him into his room, and after he stopped screaming 'NO!', we had obedience practice. Sit down. Stand up. Sit down. Stand up. Ad infititum ad nauseum, but he learned. And he has known what obey meant every since. Does he always do it? Ummm, no. Not even close. But at least he knows what it means.
We're still working on explaining to Joey the concept of he HAS to obey, and parental authority, and all that. Like I said, it will be a long process. And sometimes I get discouraged, because even though they seem to behave pretty well when people are watching, people don't see the horrendous things they do sometimes. Like the other day when I (ignorantly, apparently, but WHO could have known) left Bam-Bam on the potty to poop and he played in it. I had no idea a three year old would take it into his head to just dip his hands in and spread the water everywhere, but he did.... and now he won't ever again. I've left him there a couple times since, and he hasn't done it again.
On the whole, the boys are doing fabulously. Their speech, mobility, attitudes, understanding about life, and general outlook are amazing. We're so thankful for them, and we can't wait until the boys truly are Minichs.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Our Lives Intertwined
Hey folks,
While this blog does bear my name, you have not ever seen me write a single post, so here it goes.
Yesterday Emily and I spent a wonderful day together celebrating her birthday. We spent the morning shopping for the boys' Christmas gifts and eating lunch together. It was amazing getting to spend time talking and enjoying each others' company! As I thought about Emma's special day it occurred to me how blessed I am to have known my wife nine wonderful years! The Lord first blessed me with the pleasure of Emily's presence on Oct 5th, 2001 at around 12:30p.m.; we became fast friends and began dating. By Good Friday Emily had received the hearty approval of my two younger brothers (Joseph and Marcus) and I had proposed. May26, 2002, marked our first day as husband and wife. Eight years later I look back with great thankfulness as I see how the Lord has melded and intertwined our lives from even way before our first meeting that wonderful October day. Consequently, to this day the Fall is by far my favorite season for obvious reasons.
We both married very young and were privileged to grow up together in many ways. The Lord has seen fit to sustain us over the years and even in the hardest of times, (my finishing my Degree and the trial of infertility) our love has continued to grow stronger and stronger. Today we are seeing and experiencing the miracle of our Lord's continuous sustaining power through the trials we have faced. I have completed my degree by His grace and as of the 20th of November we will adopt our two wonderful boys! In addition, the Lord has seen fit to end our trial of infertility: We are expecting our third God given child in June! The Lord be praised for His mercy and kindness that is beyond my human comprehension!!!
While this blog does bear my name, you have not ever seen me write a single post, so here it goes.
Yesterday Emily and I spent a wonderful day together celebrating her birthday. We spent the morning shopping for the boys' Christmas gifts and eating lunch together. It was amazing getting to spend time talking and enjoying each others' company! As I thought about Emma's special day it occurred to me how blessed I am to have known my wife nine wonderful years! The Lord first blessed me with the pleasure of Emily's presence on Oct 5th, 2001 at around 12:30p.m.; we became fast friends and began dating. By Good Friday Emily had received the hearty approval of my two younger brothers (Joseph and Marcus) and I had proposed. May26, 2002, marked our first day as husband and wife. Eight years later I look back with great thankfulness as I see how the Lord has melded and intertwined our lives from even way before our first meeting that wonderful October day. Consequently, to this day the Fall is by far my favorite season for obvious reasons.
We both married very young and were privileged to grow up together in many ways. The Lord has seen fit to sustain us over the years and even in the hardest of times, (my finishing my Degree and the trial of infertility) our love has continued to grow stronger and stronger. Today we are seeing and experiencing the miracle of our Lord's continuous sustaining power through the trials we have faced. I have completed my degree by His grace and as of the 20th of November we will adopt our two wonderful boys! In addition, the Lord has seen fit to end our trial of infertility: We are expecting our third God given child in June! The Lord be praised for His mercy and kindness that is beyond my human comprehension!!!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Highly Disgusting, Don't read if you're pregnant or easily grossed out!
I haven't thrown up since I was 14. I'm not kidding.... no barf since that lunchtime mom fed me tuna when I was feeling a bit icky with PMS. (I warned you that this was TMI!)
I have always insisted that I don't believe in throwing up. And I don't. I don't believe in it. I think it is not necessary and that you can always avoid it. I am a fan of telling the story about how Tim always used to throw up after playing hockey, and one time I just told him he couldn't anymore. He just wasn't allowed to throw up! He could drink some water and then go to bed. And sure enough, he hasn't barfed since. It was my crowning moment with barfing.
And then came yesterday morning. I woke up feeling like I'd been rolled in raw sausage and dragged through some dirty sheets. I heroically struggled through eating two saltines, because those are supposed to make you feel better. And then I drank a lot of water, because it felt SO GOOD!
And then I got dressed, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, etc., etc., and as I was walking back past my bed, with not a care in the world, not even feeling nauseated!!! Suddenly, I was barfing. I didn't have a chance to get to the bathroom. I didn't have a chance to get to the trashcan. I didn't have a chance to remember that people would say "I told you so!"
It was too late. It was either barf on the clean laundry in the basket on the floor, or barf on the bed. I chose the bed.
I'll spare you the details, although, logically, if you've gotten this far in this post, you could probably handle the details. Nevertheless, let's skip over that part, and move on.
The rest of the day passed in a daze-- a daze of migraine. It wasn't enough to be nauseated, but I had to have the third worst migraine I've ever had. I repeatedly asked the Lord to get rid of it, but he didn't until the middle of the night last night.
BUT TODAY has started so much better! I skipped the saltines, because I didn't want to repeat THAT performance. Hadn't even washed my bedding yet... just had stripped the bed and thrown the bedding in the garage. Tim made me two lovely pieces of wheat toast. Yes, they tasted disgusting, because who wants to eat dry toast with no water? (I was afraid to drink water after yesterday, too.) But I managed, and then I got up so I could get Tim to work. Wonderful man, he got himself ready and the boys ready without my help, so that all I had to do was carry around my trashcan (a policy we instituted since yesterday morning) and get dressed.
I still haven't brushed my teeth (I'm afraid to), although arguably I'd feel so much better if I did.
But there is no migraine yet today. I can take nausea and barfing if there is no migraine with it. A migraine too is just a little much for me.
Joey was a giant help yesterday. Bam-Bam was a naughty little bugger, but Joey whispered, got me water, sat quietly, and was just in general a sweet little man. Christopher had to go to bed early last night, but Joey got to stay up with daddy and had some candy.
We haven't told them what is going on with the new baby. We will one of these weeks when we think they can understand. They will be excited! We are planning on switching their room, though, and we'll have to either finish the bunk beds or buy new ones. We haven't decided what we're going to do. I don't believe I'm supposed to be smelling the stain stench or breathing in the wood shavings.
We're loving our three blessings from God. Even though two of them lie pretty frequently and one causes migraines and nausea. :)
I have always insisted that I don't believe in throwing up. And I don't. I don't believe in it. I think it is not necessary and that you can always avoid it. I am a fan of telling the story about how Tim always used to throw up after playing hockey, and one time I just told him he couldn't anymore. He just wasn't allowed to throw up! He could drink some water and then go to bed. And sure enough, he hasn't barfed since. It was my crowning moment with barfing.
And then came yesterday morning. I woke up feeling like I'd been rolled in raw sausage and dragged through some dirty sheets. I heroically struggled through eating two saltines, because those are supposed to make you feel better. And then I drank a lot of water, because it felt SO GOOD!
And then I got dressed, brushed my teeth, combed my hair, etc., etc., and as I was walking back past my bed, with not a care in the world, not even feeling nauseated!!! Suddenly, I was barfing. I didn't have a chance to get to the bathroom. I didn't have a chance to get to the trashcan. I didn't have a chance to remember that people would say "I told you so!"
It was too late. It was either barf on the clean laundry in the basket on the floor, or barf on the bed. I chose the bed.
I'll spare you the details, although, logically, if you've gotten this far in this post, you could probably handle the details. Nevertheless, let's skip over that part, and move on.
The rest of the day passed in a daze-- a daze of migraine. It wasn't enough to be nauseated, but I had to have the third worst migraine I've ever had. I repeatedly asked the Lord to get rid of it, but he didn't until the middle of the night last night.
BUT TODAY has started so much better! I skipped the saltines, because I didn't want to repeat THAT performance. Hadn't even washed my bedding yet... just had stripped the bed and thrown the bedding in the garage. Tim made me two lovely pieces of wheat toast. Yes, they tasted disgusting, because who wants to eat dry toast with no water? (I was afraid to drink water after yesterday, too.) But I managed, and then I got up so I could get Tim to work. Wonderful man, he got himself ready and the boys ready without my help, so that all I had to do was carry around my trashcan (a policy we instituted since yesterday morning) and get dressed.
I still haven't brushed my teeth (I'm afraid to), although arguably I'd feel so much better if I did.
But there is no migraine yet today. I can take nausea and barfing if there is no migraine with it. A migraine too is just a little much for me.
Joey was a giant help yesterday. Bam-Bam was a naughty little bugger, but Joey whispered, got me water, sat quietly, and was just in general a sweet little man. Christopher had to go to bed early last night, but Joey got to stay up with daddy and had some candy.
We haven't told them what is going on with the new baby. We will one of these weeks when we think they can understand. They will be excited! We are planning on switching their room, though, and we'll have to either finish the bunk beds or buy new ones. We haven't decided what we're going to do. I don't believe I'm supposed to be smelling the stain stench or breathing in the wood shavings.
We're loving our three blessings from God. Even though two of them lie pretty frequently and one causes migraines and nausea. :)
Saturday, October 16, 2010
A Third Child
God is so good to us. First he makes us wait forever for any children. Then he blesses us with two on June 1..... boy, was that labor getting ready for them! The house was a disaster, and I came so close to saying no!!! If Tim had not been home to help me get ready, I would have said no.
BUT GOD knew better and he had Tim home, and we worked our butts off getting ready..... and we have been thanking the Lord every day since for his amazing provision for us.
And now...... here I am about to go to the doctor to beg for some specific medicine, but to get it I have to prove I'm not pregnant.... and viola!!! I AM!!! I guess I don't need the medicine, and five pregnancy tests later it is starting to sink in. It helped to drive around and tell everyone and see the happy faces, and to call certain others and hear the laughter!
This pregnancy will bring us our third child, not our first or second. She, because I'm sure it is a girl, will have two amazing big brothers to teach her wonderful, disgusting things.
This is our third blessing from the Lord, and we are equally thankful for each one!
BUT GOD knew better and he had Tim home, and we worked our butts off getting ready..... and we have been thanking the Lord every day since for his amazing provision for us.
And now...... here I am about to go to the doctor to beg for some specific medicine, but to get it I have to prove I'm not pregnant.... and viola!!! I AM!!! I guess I don't need the medicine, and five pregnancy tests later it is starting to sink in. It helped to drive around and tell everyone and see the happy faces, and to call certain others and hear the laughter!
This pregnancy will bring us our third child, not our first or second. She, because I'm sure it is a girl, will have two amazing big brothers to teach her wonderful, disgusting things.
This is our third blessing from the Lord, and we are equally thankful for each one!
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