Bows!

I decided recently that Ilse needed some super cute bows, and when I went to look for some, I was quite disappointed. So I decided......

Make 'em yourself, Emma!

So I did.

I am going to make a different kind as soon as I can figure out how. By these, in my opinion, certainly make the grade for super cute, and they will look adorable on this little Ilse.

Healthy Living, Clean Living, Regular Living

Tim and I decided earlier this year to live in a more frugal manner, and for the most part we have done really well. I no longer plan to get a Starbucks drink the fight before I am going to drive by that well beloved place, and now, if I am going to get a drink, sometimes I forget and pass the joint. That always give me a bit of a happy feeling, believe it or not.

I have recognized the same old problem with myself, and I would bet that it is a human wide problem. The more tired or stressed I am, the more I waver on my commitments not to eat out and not to grab a coffee. The number of nights I get up in the night to feed my baby is directly proportionate to the likelihood that I will go to Starbucks on my way home from taking Tim to work.

That is a terrible failing.

Because of this failing, the last couple weeks have not been a boasting point for me. Not that I should last about it anyway, and I am not, but for sure these last couple of weeks I absolutely cannot boast. No reason for boasting here.

What I have been doing well at these last few weeks is my housecleaning. I have rearranged my room and that always involves a good old fashioned clean up and and clean out. We aren't done with it because we have just both gotten so incredibly tired. I have wondered if I have Parvo or something since I am so achy, or maybe I am just spending too much time on the floor with Ilse. Whatever the cause, we have been too tired to finish the room, but it certainly does look nicer.

I also cleaned some blinds, mopped some (very) dirty floors, and have been keeping up with my laundry. I am very happy with how all of that is going.

I have also been spending a lot of time teaching the boys some things we have been quite lax on, like how to respond to a question about something they did. The answers tend to involve other people, like blaming parents or each other, and we are working on having them begin their explanations with the personal pronoun 'I' and not use anyone else's name in the explanation. Adam and Eve would have benefited from that lesson, so I want the boys to have it. Their wives will appreciate their ability to take responsibility, too, I am sure.

We are also working with one son on the difference between trying to be bad and not trying to be good. (I know the words bad and good in relation to children aren't very popular, but there's no getting around it, sin is bad and no sin is good.) This one son doesn't try to be good. He thinks he lives in do-whatever-he-wants world, and he doesn't care if it is good or bad. If he wants to do it, he will. I had a long talk with him today on how important it is to be an active obey-er instead of a passive naughty boy. He needs to TRY to behave. I think this road with him is going to be very long.

Update:

Last night I broke down and took some ibuprofen for my aches, and I feel so much better today! Hopefully this will be a day of getting some good things done.

All in all, we are happy around here, and we are waiting on the doctors appointment for Ilse's blood. Hopefully that will be soon.

Ilse's Nine Month Update and Life and Boys

Ilse Joy was nine months old on February 4, and she continues to be a major source of joy in our home. Joey and Chris try their hardest to make her smile-- even though they don't need to try at all since she sees them and breaks out in a grin-- and I tell them all the time that she will know for sure that they love her. They are wonderful big brothers to our Ilse Joy.

Ilse is 27 1/2 inches long now, but as of February 8th, she was only 12 lbs. 5.5 oz., which is only 1lb 1oz heavier than she was at six months. We are pretty concerned about her weight, since in the last few days she has dropped a whole pound. She has been sick off and on for two months, really since mid December. We have had one ER visit, another ER visit that resulted in a night in the hospital, another ER visit to replace her button when it came out in the night, a surgery to insert ear tubes because of ear infections that wouldn't go away even after three different antibiotics, an antibiotic that made her scream for several nights in a row, four different bouts of diarrhea-- the first lasting for 23 days, and the latest for one day, two nights, and part of another day. This latest bout made her lose the pound I mentioned earlier.

Next week we will be beginning some deep testing on her immune system. They are going to see if her body has reacted properly to her vaccinations, do a complete metabolic panel which includes liver function, and check something having to do with protein albumin, or something like that. The reason the doctors want to do this testing is because the last immune system testing just raised more questions as some of the numbers were high and some were low.

We did have Ilse tested for allergies to milk, soy, wheat, and egg. Of course we knew she is allergic to egg, and I was honestly hoping she would be allergic to milk since that would explain the random diarrhea and barfing, but no such luck. We will have to look deeper. Of course some of her barfing is because of SLOS, but I don't think all of it is.

Ilse has really started playing. She grabs for toys without fail these days, and she brings things to her mouth also. Her fingers are her favorite toy, though. The other night when she should have been sleeping, she was instead holding one finger in her mouth, her other hand on that hand, and talking. It was super cute and kept me awake quite effectively. I bought her the Fisher-Price Jumperoo, and she loves it! She doesn't quite jump correctly. She more break dances.....





I love watching her play. I am working on fattening her up, but it is a constant struggle to get enough food in her. The last two days she has only barfed once a day. That has been nice. Also the last two nights I have gotten up in the night to feed her. I intended to get up twice each night so that she would be eating every three hours all day and night, but this tired mommy just can't do it. In fact, I wouldn't even have gotten up the first night I fed her in the night except I dropped my phone on the floor in the dark, before I got the alarm turned off. That right there got me out of bed which in turn got me to her room to feed her. I just couldn't do that twice in one night, though, so I didn't even try to get up again. Then last night the only reason I fed her in the night was because I just stayed up for it. Yes, that's right. I stayed up till 2:15am just to feed her again. I don't know what is wrong with me. I guess I am doing what I must to ensure that she gets fed in the night even though it makes me Mrs. Zombie. I generally get a little nap sometime during the day. The boys are really good at having "quiet reading time." they really do lay on their floor absolutely quietly and look at books, sometimes for two plus hours. They are amazing. I don't now now I would get through the night without that little snooze, and yes, I did just call two plus hours a little snooze... Lol.

Today Ilse actually ate in therapy! I fed her squash on my finger, and she gobbled it up. I need to do it again tomorrow before she forgets how to take food off a finger. Our therapist was amazed. Ilse is also doing really well putting weight on her legs and her right arm. I have ordered her some elbow immobilizing splints that my friend Micia found. It is too bad they aren't pink, but they will hopefully do the trick of getting her elbows locked so I can help her be int he crawling position without feeling like I am an octopus holding two legs, two arms, and a tummy. I guess that would be a quintopus, but I am not one of those either, whatever it is. Something with five appendages.... Um, yeah. :)

Tonight at Walmart I bought the boys camo bandanas and sleeping bags. They will have so much fun I think.

I have been doing really, really well making food at home. We are saving so much money it is unbelievable. We just got our Sam's bill, which before was in the $800-900 range, but this time was ZERO. Yes. So nice. With the diarrhea bout I did go to Starbucks more than I should have, but since I was dead on my feet from not being able to leave the changing table during the night I think I can forgive myself.

And then today we went to Starbucks to celebrate getting our tax return. :) I can't think of a better reason to go spend $14.

Life around here is busy but wonderful. The Lord sustains us, blesses us, and gives us much joy.

Life Snapshot

Here are my two new favorite things. Since Tim and I have gone 99% off Starbucks, I have gone 100% tea-- peppermint tea, to be exact. It is amazing. I add a bit of honey to my tea, and it is so tasty!

And now that I am not spending money at Starbucks, I could afford to spend $20 on a thermos that doesn't leak. (Yes, I know. I still spent money at Starbucks to buy it. Ignore that part of the story. :) My thermos has a real leather hand protector thing-a-ma-bob. Smashing!

If you look really closely, this picture is a snapshot of my life. The thermometer at the left, because Ilse is sick; a blanket for her to lay on, although she doesn't stay on it; her car seat; a cup of water to wash out her nose sucker machine with; a few toys; and way back at the back is the pharmacy bag from my favorite-pharmacy-with-the-amazing-syringes...... it had amoxicillin in it. Again, because Ilse is sick.

Have a great night! I intend to. Tim and I are going to watch some more Downton Abbey.

The New Year

I have always scoffed at New Year's Resolutions, but this year I am afraid that Tim and I unintentionally joined the ranks of the resolute.

I have been doing the money in our family every since we were a family, and let me tell you, I have never ever done a good job of it. Bills have been late, I have spent way too much, and everything that could go wrong did. And since the night I sat up in bed at the hospital after my c-section when my little baby was at a different hospital in the NICU..... just to do bills..... I said to myself, 'Self, this has to end.' I simply didn't have the brain power anymore to do it.

So, on Dcember 31 it did end. Tim and I sat down to work out a budget, and during it we made some decisions that I am so happy with.

Of course, we didn't intentionally decide all these things on the last day or the year. I think that was just a convenient time to sit down and go over it all. :)

Some of the changes we made are the following:

I am 97% off coffee. I am 99% off Starbucks. That is the one I am so happy about. I am ashamed to say how often we went to Starbucks, but now I am pleased to be able to say that I have gone twice, TWICE, this week. That is, well, that is amazing. That is saving so much money right there. And, not being on so much caffeine and sugar is good for me.

Also, we have only eaten out ONCE this week! Wow! If you know us, that is a gigantic change. We wouldn't have even eaten out that one time, except that was the day that was so busy with two labs and Tim's appointment. I simply didn't have time to grab some lunch at home before I had to go pick Tim up at work.

I have been having fun making wholesome, homemade meals for my boys and for myself. We have eaten some cereal, yes, but we have also eaten fish, chicken, cinnamon toast, quesadillas with leftover chicken, and various other things. One day I gave Joey salad for a snack, and he ate it because he wanted to be thankful. He could have told me that he didnt want a snack, but no, instead he ate it happily. Lol. The other day we ate Pizza salad, which is spinach salad with pepperoni in it. The boys are making a habit of telling me that "this food is 'alicious!" (Joey) and "this is good!" (Chris) It is sweet of them.

We are also trying to use up most of the food we have in the freezer and pantry before buying tons more. So far I have been doing really well with it. We have finished one kind of fish and the chicken, and most of the tortillas are gone. I am trying to go shopping every week for just that week's worth of food instead of going once a month. Those huge shopping trips are so stressful, it is nearly impossible to fit it all in the car since there is a stroller back there, and I am sure I spend way too much that way anyway.

Today's shopping trip to Walmart was difficult, though, because I feel like the walking dead, Ilse is coughing up a storm, and I managed to erase my list halfway through the store. I had worked really hard on that list. And I had really been trying to make sure I didn't buy things we didn't need this week... and also that I didn't get home to discover that I forgot something of magnitudinal importance. Hopefully I didn't do either.

I tried to rest as much as I could today since I feel so sick, but I know I didn't rest enough. I have to feed Ilse one last time at 11:30 tonight, and then I can go to bed. Maybe she will sleep the night through, but I doubt it. I think she is trying to grow and so is hungry in the night. I will take hunger in the night any time over screaming in pain.

I am considering buying her a shirt that says, "I am sick. Please don't breathe on me or touch me without permission" Ilse gets sick every time she thinks a thought, poor child.

Today for the first time she was goofing off when I tried to put her in her carseat. She wouldn't bend, and she was making happy noises. It was cute-- until I lost my grip on her and thumped her head on her seat. I consoled myself with the logic that that part of the seat is made to keep the head safe in a wreck, so a little thump should be fine. She is herself, so it did no lasting damage. I am thankful for that.

And our therapist is recommending that I begin getting notes from the doctor everytime we have to do any medical proceedure at all on Ilse, since her skin is so markable. The GI scared me the other day asking me why her chest was so marked up red. All I had been doing was holding her while she stood. At least our pediatrician and therapist understand, but I guess I need to get a signed something from them stating how the baby's skin is before I get accused of something terrible.

And now, it is time for some cold medicine and for getting ready for bed.

Good night!

Life lately

Please excuse any misspellings... My fingers don't love me today.

Looking back through my posts, I realize that I haven't posted in forever. So much has been going on over here that I haven't had time to do anything... even sleep is a rarity.

Ilse is still on the path to wellness. It might be a long path, especially considering they aren't sure what is wrong with her. They have ordered some specialized immune system tests, and maybe we will know what the results are in about a week. Hopefully it won't take longer than that. A week is already a long time. She did have a bacterial infection, and they had no idea where it was coming from. It could be her mic-KEY button, but we would have to pull it and culture it to know for sure. Unfortunately, we have to wait to do that because they put Ilse on a strong antibiotic, and again, unfortunately, it was obviously too strong for her since it set off a string of night screaming that the world has never seen before. At least my world! Finally we put two and two together and the doctor had us stop the antibiotic. Ilse slept pretty well last night, and so did I. Ahhh. However, I managed to wake up more tired that I had been the previous day when the night before I had barely gotten any sleep at all.

And it was good that yesterday I was more awake, because I didn't have time to even use the bathroom from the morning all the way until six or so. A lifetime of practice finally put to good use. Lol. Yesterday Ilse and I went to get her labs drawn for the aforementioned blood tests. The first lab, at which we had an appointment, told us after we had waited of course, that they couldn't do that test. We hightailed it down to medical city, and yes, I had to talk myself down just in order to park at that place.... and got her labs drawn there. She had two diarrheas while we were at the lab. That made three up to that point, and scattered through out the day where about four more. Needless to say, they are concerned about dehydration and c diff. for this baby. We won't know about the c diff. test for a week also. At the lab they determined that Ilse is too small to do all the tests they wanted, so we have to go back again on Friday to draw for the rest of the tests. One of the tests they did draw for measures how well the white blood cells fight infection. Because, I think it is clear by this point that Ilse has a bit of trouble with infections.

The concern for the immediate future is that her bacterial infection might reassert itself since we couldn't finish the antibiotic. If she gets a high fever or screams uncontrollably, we are to call the doctor ASAP, or, if it is night, we are to go to the emergency room.

Lord willing, Ilse got enough antibiotic to do the trick. Although, if it is the button causing this problem, it will likely reassert itself and we will be in a world of trouble, unless of course, we can have a different antibiotic, although at this point I am pretty wary of too much more medicine.

The rest of our busy day yesterday was spent at UT Southwestern medical center. Tim had his much awaited appointment with a wonderful hip doctor. He was wonderful, and not just because he looked exactly like Mark Ruffalo. He did tons of x-rays, and gave a much better description of the surgery, complete with hand gestures. Tim will plan on having the surgery late May, but first he needs an MRI to confirm what is going on and to see the exact state of his cartilage.

If everything looks good, or bad, whichever way you want to phrase it, he will have the surgery. It doesn't sound as bad as the first doctor made it sound, and regardless of how long the recovery is, having the surgery in state is an automatic bonus. The first doctor said we would have to go out of state, and that sounded atrocious, as you can imagine, since I am determined not to go anywhere without my kids.

The boys are doing really well. They learned about colloquialisms, paramedics, aerodynamics, and oh my goodness, earlier Chris said something so brilliant I wish I could remember what it was.

I finally got Ilse's nose suction machine figured out and in use. Hopefully it will help her. It is too bad that there is no way to decorate it like a squirrel or something. It isn't too cute.

Mom came over yesterday at the drop of a hat and stayed all day long to watch my boys. They mostly behaved. Now my laundry is all folded, my kitchen is clean, and my floors are vacuumed. Thanks, Mom!

I have lots more to write about. However, this post is so long that I had better give your eyes and my fingers a break.

Today, though, if you have a minute, pray for my friend Amber Bowers who is having her third baby today. This is her second daughter, and could also be her second child with SLOS. One baby with SLOS is hard enough depending on how severely the child is affected. Two would be significantly more difficult, and yet, the Lord really does give us the ability to accomplish all that he asks of us. And He has given the Bowers family so much joy. They are truly a wonderful example to me. Each child is a blessing, no matter the way God makes it.

As I have said before, I don't know what I would do with a 'normal' baby-- I have gotten so used to Ilse.

I have another post to write soon, but now, I am going to call in the precious boys who just went out to play, and we are all going to lay down for a nap. It is practically a given though that Ilse will wake up the second I lay myself down.

Better hurry!

I took the plunge

And bought a domain name. I have always wanted one, so today I decided to spend the ten bucks and have my blog transferred to Godsmercydisplayed.com. That's my new blog address, and it should be fully in effect by three days from now.

The random musical joking iPad

I decided I needed some music, so I chose "arise, my soul, arise" by acappella. The iPad played Taylor Swift's Teardrops on my Guitar. So I chose "answer my prayer" again by acappella. It played the "the altar and the door" by casting crowns.

Oh my.

So I restarted my iPad. And it's still doing it! I wonder wht would happening I actually clicked taylor Swift's song. Goodness.

Snippets of Life

About a month ago I finally figured out the ratio of water to formula. Now I don't have to look at the can anymore.

On my event calendar for the night is a clothes folding party. Unfortunately I think I'll be the only one attending.

Christopher is playing sock puppets in his bed when he knows he is supposed to be napping. Yes, that was naughty, but I am still glad he was misbehaving in such a normal little boy way. I will take that any day over the biting, kicking, and screaming that we used to have.

My living room is covered in pink. And barf.

My beautiful bright garage makes me want to create a woman cave out there. A book shelf, a rug, a lamp stand.... Don't need the lamp, but the stand would have a coaster for my coffee.... Ummm, sounds nice. It's too bad my laundry room is in the garage. How relaxing could my woman cave be if I were staring at my Mount Washmore?

If the load of laundry I'm washing has even one piece of Ilse's clothes in it, I use her detergent. I don't want to risk accidentally letting her wear something that has the other soap on it because it irritated her skin and gave me the 'Oh no! Eczema is starting already!' scare.

I had very little sleep last night since Ilse was sick in the afternoon, consequently took her nap really late, and then was up most of the night. She would fuss, I would check on her, and she would smile at me. The little stinker.

Even with as little sleep as I got, I still couldn't resist wasting my nap time to write this blog post.

Those are the snippets of my life from today!

Happenings

So much has gone on the last week or so.

I had a birthday... 30 years old now. Wow. I don't feel older, just more somber, and that likely has nothing to do with my advancing age. :)

Ilse is sick, and they don't know why. Her white blood cell count was high a week ago, and we had it tested again Saturday to see if it has gone down. They also did another test to look for infection or something. I believe it is called an ESR and hopefully we will have the results today.

Last week we also did a total cholesterol on her, and her cholesterol was 62. That isn't great, and so the doctor said to give her two eggs a day instead of one. One was gross enough, and two is nauseous (that means it makes you/me/Ilse nauseated...) but so far she is adjusting well. The added calories can't hurt her for sure. We will retest in a month to see if her level is higher. If it isn't, I might go back to one egg. I have also heard that increased cholesterol won't help, but who really knows anyway. It is just egg, and it can't hurt her, so I will give it.

Mom watched me do her egg the other day and said that she was amazed it didn't break the way I do it. It doesn't break, though, even though I roll it around on a paper towel to get all the egg white off. Gross, I know.

Tim went to the orthopedist, and sadly, he has to have hip surgery. This is a continuing saga... Does he have to go out of state? Can he have it here? It is pretty specialized.... Does he just need a hip replacement instead of this other surgery? We don't know. We have an appointment coming up with a doctor who knows spastic dyplesia and hopefully he will have a better solution than an out of state surgery with a three month don't-put-all-your-weight-on-your-hip recovery time. Neither of us are open to leaving the kids behind if we are out of state for two weeks. Hard, hard, hard either way.

Also, Tim is having his tonsils out this Saturday. We are happy about that, and hopefully he will be able to eat really well by Thanksgiving, and even if he can't, both of us are going to enjoy completely the week he will have off of school.

The boys got their glasses, and by George do they look cue. I got them the really bendy ones, and while that is handy dandy, it also means that I can't straighten them. They are just too bendable. We will be making many trips to Walmart I think.

Ilse is growing out of her clothes, so I am setting them aside for Olivia, who, undoubtably, will be a very cute close second to Ilse. There is something odd and pretty special about having double nieces and nephews. For all my readers who don't know (as if I have a widely read blog or something, lol) but my sister Ivy married my husband's brother Marcus. So our kids are double cousins. I am hoping Olivia looks like Ilse coloring wise so that all the pink I dress Ilse in will look just as good on Olivia.

All this time I have been thinking that there is seven hundred dollars on my zero interest credit card..... But there isn't, because Walgreens Infusion Services never refunded my three hundred bucks from way back in June, even though I requested it a couple of times. I was really glad that Tim thought of that when we were talking about our card the other day. He is so smart. I called again this morning, and they wil finally process the refund. It will take thirty days, though, and as she said that, I was thinking, good grief. You have known that you owe it to me since August! They have been getting interest off something I didn't owe them, just like the anesthesia place and the hospital did. I just got my money back from the anesthesia place that did my c section.... Last week! They had it for months! Wow.

Joey is such a good helper with Ilse. He plays with her and makes her smile. I never have to worry about her while he is watching her. He called me the other day when I was outside.... "Mommy! You need to come check Ilse! She barfed!" I am so happy that he loves her and takes care of her.

Chris is so close to reading! He can spell some simple words with a little assistance. (an aside... As I was typing "little" I messed up and the iPad auto corrected it to "opitz". That is a snapshot of my life. :)

Anyway, I got some learning games that the boys both do on the iPad. Chris is super good, but right now Joey just really watches the animation. He will get it, though, with time.

Dad came over on Saturday and replaced the lights in my garage. I cannot tell you how much I am loving the bright light out there! I keep looking out the mini blinds to see if I accidentally left the garage door open since it is so bright, which is stupid anyway because the sun never makes it that bright in there. I told Tim yesterday that I loved him even more than my new lights, and that that was saying something. I don't know if he was pleased or not. I kind of think not. Thanks, Dad!

I have been realizing some things about myself.... Grace, what is it about turning 30 that makes you reassess your life? I realize that I am struggling with crippling fear in some areas of my life. I realize that I am so used to having an Ilse kind of baby that if I ever have a different kind of baby I will not know what on earth to do and I will freak out. 'What?! You mean the baby doesn't need seventy burp rags? She might not eat every three hours? There won't be endless doctors appointments? She can sit up?!?!?" You get the picture. It kind of makes me hope for another baby just like Ilse. Wouldn't a psychotherapist have a fun time with that mind boggling realization. That is just fear. I am glad that God is in control of everything that goes on.... From if we have more kids, to when, to who they are. To even if they live. He is such a good God.

Doctors appointments for all of us

These couple weeks are the weeks of doctors appointments! Last week I took Chris to the doctor for his cough, then both boys went to the eye doctor yesterday. They both need glasses! I am glad I took them to get checked. Tim went to the dentist and found out he needs his tonsils out, so we will get that done as soon as we can. Today he goes to see the ENT, and believe me, you'd rather me type that shortened version of the doctor's specialty than the whole huge thing that I can't even pronounce. It is the ENT who will take his tonsils out.

Friday Ilse goes to her new pediatrician for her six month checkup... I can't believe my sweet baby is about to be six months old. She has grown and changed so much from the wimpering little lamb who never moved around. She now looks at me! And she lets me touch her head. Lol.

Saturday Tim and I go to the eye doctor, and I cannot wait to get my new glasses and contacts! I love going to the eye doctor like my friend Rebekah loves the dentist. There are few things better than new contacts!

Monday Tim goes to see the orthopedist. He is excited about that appointment almost as much as he is excited about getting his tonsils out.

I believe those are all the appointments we have coming up, other than Ilse's regularly scheduled appointment on November seventeenth.

I am so thankful for insurance!

The car seat saga

I have loved my car seat. Ilse hasn't, necessarily, although it has grown on her. However, today I hated it. I hated it, Babies r Us, and Baby Trend.

You see, the foam came off the car seat. Yes, that nice foam that should, theoretically, cushion my child's head in the event of a wreck. It came off. I had to reglue it. That's just wrong, especially when you take into account that I had to reglue it twice.

So I took the car seat back to the brand new babies r us I bought it at. They were so unhelpful. They offered me thirty dollars for the seat. Are you kidding me? I spent way more than that. I told them I shouldn't have to be out any money at all. And furthermore, they should ensure that my pieces match. I don't want a new car seat pattern but still have the same stroller. Ilse's stuff needs to match. It just does. I went round and round with those folks, and they just wouldn't budge. Neither would I, so I left, with my car seat.

I called Baby Trend from right outside the door. The lady there was even more unhelpful. "Oh, the foam came off? I understand, you can send the seat in to get repaired!"

What?!? If you could glue it back on and it wouldn't come off, why didn't you just glue it that way in the first place???

”Well, all I can say is that we have people send their seats in to be reglued, and then the seats don't come in a second time."

And I am thinking, of course they don't! What crazy person would send their car seat in to be reglued in the first place when the original glue didn't hold? And the same crazy person certainly wouldn't send their seat in a second time when the magic glue didn't work the first reglueing time!

And then she tells me I can send the seat in when it is convenient.

Are you kidding me? When is it convenient for a baby not to have a car seat? I did say that to her. She needed to hear it.

And, did you know that car seats are only warrantied for six months anyway? Really? Do babies really grow to thirty inches in six months? Mine hasn't!

And then I cried. The injustice of it all. My poor child doesn't get a good car seat because she has the nerve to not grow, because she didn't start using the car seat the exact day she was born to take advantage of the full six months before the warranty was up, and for crying out loud, foam shouldn't fall off in the first place.

So I went to another babies r us due to the fact that the first people would have traded out the car seat for me if they had had any left in stock. They just didn't have any.

And boy, am I so glad I went. Apparently the babies r us at park and Preston is a training store. And they are really nice! They are really, really nice!

That manager heard my story, gave me a brand new car seat AND stroller, just for the price of the extended warranty protection plan, which I should have bought in the first place. Ahh! Every store everywhere should have as good customer service as I got at that second babies r us. And now Ilse has a lovely new car seat with hydrangeas on it. And the stroller matches. And it is warrantied for a year and a half.

Even Ilse should outgrow it by then! :)

My hammer

Yes, you read the post title correctly. This post is about my hammer. When I was a teenager my nickname (the only one I will tell you about) was Tool Girl. I was the one who would use the screw driver to help dad. To this day I love using tools, and it really irks me to have to search for a hammer. So, a couple years ago I got Tim to buy me a nice hammer. W got I at Lowe's, and I adore it. it is just a plain, normal hammer.... definitely not the pink girly kind.

So I put my hammer and my box of nails safely where I can always find them. I am those who hangs pictures around here, so my beautiful hammer and nails get lots of use.

Well today Tim needed a hammer. He borrowed mine.... without asking. And as I saw him walking out the back door with it, I heard this come out of my mouth:

"Tim, please don't get my hammer dirty. And PLEASE don't put it down on the concrete where it will get scratched."

He asked me if I knew that my hammer is, really, just a hammer. And it is whatever brand it is, made to get banged up!

I do know that. But it is my hammer, and I love my hammer, and I don't want it dirty or scratched.

Lol. Sometimes I can't believe how weird I am.

I sure hope he wipes it off nicely, since he did put it down in the mud, and puts it back nicely in the safe place I keep it. I am truly unbelievable.

Post Pregnancy Update

I have no other title to call this post other than the above, but what it's really about is my mind.

My mind is shot.  Tim delicately told me last night that I've been repeating myself for a while.  I'll tell him something and then tell him again later.  And while this might be true, I have to admit I doubt it a bit since he isn't all that great at remembering stuff all the time either.

I blame it on the mag.  That stuff has really messed up my memory.  I was asking Tim the other day who came to see me in my room at the hospital after the c-section.  I only remember Gloria Pittman, Holly, Jess, mom, dad, Christie....  I could only see a few feet in front of my face.  I'm not kidding.  I was so out of it!  When I asked Tim what happened, he just started to laugh.  Apparently I tried to talk and he had to fill in all the details, and then I just started, um, barfing.  Yes.  Nasty.

And since the mag, I can't remember anything nor can I focus on anything.  I bet my blog posts make no sense.  Maybe it's sleep deprivation.  Where I used to need to do two things at once or I'd be bored, now I can't help but do twenty things at once.  I'll walk through the house to get something and get distracted by three things along the way!  That's ADD, baby, but the problem is, there is nothing NOTHING I can do about it.  I refuse to take any drugs for it, or even go see a psychiatrist.... but I really am having a serious problem.

Thankfully my impluse control is beginning to come back.  There was a while there where I was seriously worried about myself.  I was wanting and almost doing things like setting things on fire in the shower just to see what it was like.  No, I'm not a nine year old boy, but I sure felt like it!

I haven't experienced any depression.  I haven't had time.  I might be able to make time for that after I find time to teach the boys to read.  Hey, I was proud of myself that I actually sat down today and read them a story.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Right now everyone in the house is sick but me.  Christie mentioned getting together on my facebook, and I tried to comment, but something didn't work and I lost focus before I could finish the comment, but the gist was, everyone is sick.  Except me.  Ilse is so sick, Tim is dead on his feet, the boys are tired and sick..... there is snot on everyone but me.  And I cannot stress enough the importance of handwashing, although, if they all had understood that before now, we would not be in this position.

Handwashing!  It saves your sanity.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love my little family.  I love helping people and getting things done.  I love a clean kitchen and I love it when my husband doesn't come to me at 11 at night and tell me he doesn't have clean pants for tomorrow.  He did have them, they were just buried under everything that has ended up in Ilse's pack n play. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My favorite thing to do right now is walk into Ilse's lovely room and sit on her chair.  The floor is clean and everything is dusted and properly put away.

And then my least favorite thing to do is compare Ilse's room's cleanliness to the boys' room--  which I have not vacuumed in a scandalous amount of months.  Actually, I haven't since they moved in there when I was pregnant with Ilse.  Mom has, but I seriously don't think I have.  And their dressers are covered in dust.  But the boys are happy.  They have their toys and their family.  And they are too short to see the evidence on the dresser tops of their mother's shortcomings.

Eventually everything will come together.  Tim and I have decided not to get back into fostering until our lives are in order.  When I can get a nice amount of sleep during the proper hours at night, and when Tim is not so exhuasted at work, and when I can sit with the boys and teach them things at the table instead of doing it in the parking lot while waiting for Tim to get out of work..... then we'll foster/adopt.  And while my heart aches not to be doing it now, I don't think anyone would thank me for adding to our issues. 

Now I'm going to try to get back to our finances.... yes, this blog post was a distraction.  :)

Deja vu

Today is reminding me of the day I went to the hospital with preeclampsia..... And that's not good. So far the AC is not working, and then I was making my toast--- and I particularly didn't want warm bread, so I pushed the bread down a second time, except it wouldn't stay. "Is it the plug?" I think, because we have random plug breakage. Yes, it's thoroughly annoying to have to remember from day to day which plug I can plug the vacuum into, and then have it switch.

No... The bottom plug doesn't work either. Oh, dear. The dishwasher that I worked so hard to load has turned off. Great. It's probably a blown fuse or something..... And is it possible that this has something to do with the broken ac unit box dohickey thing outside my kitchen window? I don't know.

I might need to suggest to Tim that we move. Soon.

On a happier note, we all survived the hot night. Ilse woke up fussy, which is very abnormal for her, poor baby, so I know she was hot even though I did my best to keep her room cool.

And on an even happier note, I get to pick Tim up on time today.. That will be good, since he had to go into the spider infested (I am assuming it's spider infested) bathroom in the garage to fix the fuse thingy. And I miss him. :)

Oats and beans and barley grow

Well, in our case it's rice and barley....... And they are making Ilse grow. Something the doctor said, which I dismissed out of hand because Ilse is only four mos. old, gave me the idea, And sure enough, Ilse has gained five ounces since last Thursday. That is a ton for her! I've been adding some rice or barley cereal to her milk only a couple times a day. In addition to being added calories without much added volume (she can't handle enough added volume right now to make a difference), the thickened milk stays down better. Yay!

So now my sweet baby weighs ten pounds nine and half ounces. I know that isn't huge, or even average, but it is extra good for my baby Ilse Joy. This week I'm confident the GI won't be worried about her weight.

In addition to gaining weight, Ilse has really been balancing her head well when sitting upright. She doesn't flop it nearly as much as she used to. Her neck muscles are finally beginning to catch up. Also, Ilse is beginning to work on raising her head while on her tummy. I'm so proud of her!

Last night she slept a little better than the previous three nights, and hopefully tonight will end up well. She isn't asleep yet, but I can tell that her stomach is bothering her a bit, so she might just be having trouble getting comfortable. If at all possible, I'd like to get in bed before two thirty, which is when I got in bed last night. Four hours of sleep is way better than two, though, so if it is two thirty tonight, I'll be ok. I actually had some energy today with that four hours of sleep! Yay me! Lol.

Ilse's swing appears to be calming her down tonight. I hate it when she screams, because besides making me feel so sad for her, it wakes Joey up.

Today I got my kitchen halfway clean, (doesn't sound like much, but believe me, halfway is a HUGE accomplishment in this day and age) did some laundry but forgot to put it in the dryer, put away all the groceries, pumped four times so far, fed my babies, took Tim to work and brought him home, comforted a crying baby most of the day, had Ilse's therapy, and a few other things. It was a very nice day since I wasn't so completely zonked out asleep.

I think I'm the only mom in the universe

who smashes little cotton balls into the compartments in her daugher's car seat base to soak up barf.  Those little compartments need to be clean in my opinion, and it just takes too long to clean up disgusting, rancid barf with q-tips.  Of course, if I made a habit of daily checking out the sanitation of my child's car seat base I would have noticed the trail of dried milk and the puddle of brown rotten milk deep in one of the tiny compartments.  Maybe I'll make a habit of checking it from here on out.


I'm the only mom in my circle of friends

who washes her car seat cover very frequently.... like yesterday AND today.  It needed washing even though I had a water proof pad on it.  I also

Ilse has recently learned the art of projectile barfing.  Yay me.  Usually it ends up on me and nothing else, and so I have perfected the art of taking the fastest shower in the universe.  Of course, my fosterness says I have to use soap to wash off baby barf, but I never do.  After all, that slightly digested milk just came from me, so why should I freak out about it?

Regarding Ilse, Tim and I regularly use phrases like:

Plug her in
clamp her
unclamp her


Totally not wonderful, so I'm practicing being better about it and saying things like: Unclamp her cord.

The last two or three nights Ilse has decided she's not sleeping.  I think it might be my fault, but I'm not entirely sure I should change my ways.  I must change her diaper, after all.  I don't want her little butt to ruminate in pee all night.  But when I change her, she decides it's time to wake up.  And she won't go back to sleep.  If she gains a bit more weight she'll be in size three diapers, and then I'll be able to put her in a nighttime diaper and not worry about changing her.  Right now Ilse weighs 9 lbs. 11 oz.  That's pretty good I guess.  I've been trying to feed her more and more, and really she's doing better with her barfing, except for barfing every morning on the way to take Tim to work.  Maybe I should just wait to feed her until we get home.  I'll have to think about it.

Well, this has been a very long and babbly post.  I'm sorry about that.  Chalk it up to little sleep..... 

The boys are tired too.  We took a nap this morning since they'd both gotten into trouble before breakfast.  I know it was because they were tired.  And when I went in there to get them up at 12:15, they were still mostly asleep.  They'd been asleep two hours and 45 minutes.  Hopefully we'll get better at our schedule and they can go to bed earlier.  Although, if Ilse screams it'll just wake them in the night.  Hmmmmm........

All in all, we're a happy family.  We miss Tim during the day, and the evenings seem so short by the time we get back home, but we're managing.  Now I have 17 loads of laundry to fold.  Last night I had to do some compacting action to get it to stay on the couch.  Perhaps if I start pulling pieces off to fold them it'll be like Schtoompa and his closet.  I sure hope not.  He was a very funny fellow.

First Day of Back to Work

Tim went back to work today.  He'll be at Schimelpfineg Middle School all year this year since he got a full time job as a paraprofessional.  He's excited about the gig, and so am I, since the job comes with insurance.  It'll be Tim's first time ever having insurance.  We're super glad about it.  We'll get him started in physical therapy as we can, if we can. 

The boys, Ilse, and I did just fine by ourselves today.  I made banana bread, gassed up the car, did laundry, pumped, fed the baby and the boys, etc..

Of course, I didn't finish getting all the books organized-- a job we all began together last night.  They are everywhere.  At least we went through the boys' toys; I'm freecycling all the little Chick-fil-a cows that came in the kids' meals, and I'm also freecycling most of the dumb toys that the boys have gotten at sonic.  Believe it or not, their room looks so much better after the purging!  Eventually I need to bring in the legos from the garage.  The boys are at the age where they'd love legos.

Tim did enjoy his first day of work.  He'll be working with some nice people I think, and the hours aren't bad.  The school's pretty close, too.  We'll see how the year goes, and maybe this is the stepping stone he needs to get hired as a teacher.

All in all the day went fine.  Tomorrow is bound to be much busier once we add in therapy and doing a favor for a friend.  I need to clean the house tonight, but I'm afraid I'm too tired.  What on earth is the therapist going to say when she sees the messy house?

I had a moment earlier

where I just wanted this day to be over as quickly as possible.  Just chuck the kids in bed, forget eating, who cares, and go to bed.
I resisted.  Yay, good for me.

You see, Ilse's room is messy, and I keep hitting my feet when I walk in there.  But I just haven't had time to clean it yet.

And I need to vacuum Ilse's floor, because there are fire ants in there.  But I just haven't gotten in there to do it yet.

And we have baby spiders in ALL our corners.  But I haven't gotten the vacuum around the house yet because of all the junk in the way.

And the kitchen floor is sticky.  And I just haven't had time to clean it yet. 

And my room is a disaster.  And I just haven't had the energy to clean it yet.

And I still have grocery items out.  And I just haven't had the time to put them away yet. 

And I have stacks of paper on my desk that have been there for more than three months.  And I just haven't had the time to organize it all and put it away.  Yet.

There is more, but I'll spare you.

So even though the boys were supposed to be doing jobs (helping me) around the house, I sent them to play since I was inflicting my grumpiness on them.  And I cleaned up the baby barf and then just sat down with my baby and rocked her.  Then she barfed again, and I cleaned that up too.  I smiled into her face, and she smiled back at me.

Even though all these chores I'm not doing every day are important, they just aren't important enough for me to give up these other things:

Pumping five-six times a day to have enough milk for my baby.  People who nurse usually nurse more than five times, so I feel like I'm doing pretty well.

Taking care of meals for my boys.

Keeping Ilse's stoma clean and healthy.  Right now it doesn't look so good, I don't think, so I'm taking extra good care.

Trying to get as much food into my baby as possible, but giving it in such a way that it actually stays in.

Making doctors appointments.

Getting some sleep.

Spending time with my husband.  After all, he goes to work on Monday---- goodbye summer happiness.

Dealing with the evermounting bills.  When will that tax refund get here?!?  Or at least, Tim's first payday as a paraprofessional.  Not the job we'd hoped for this year, but way better than subbing.  We're very thankful.

Teaching the boys about having good attitudes and being thankful. 

All my housework will get done, but it will just take a bit longer than it used to.  And I'm enjoying doing it myself, because I know I can handle my life.  I'm totally capable of handling it at this juncture, and I want to.  It's just going to be slower.  A lot slower.  But Tim's happiness, the boys' joyful playing, and Ilse's smiles make all the toe-banging worth it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ilse is sleeping so peacefully right now.  Whenever I lay her down we play her little lamb game.  The little lamb (from Jessica) walks up to her face and says, "Little Lamb!"  And kisses her twice.  We do it twice.  She loves it.  We do the same thing with her little kitty (thanks, Jess!) when she lays down to play in her Play Place.

Ilse had her GI appt today.  She is now 24 inches long, but only 9 pounds 9.5 oz.  That's a major growth spurt.... 1 3/4 inches in four weeks.  The doctor is not worried about her weight right now since she has some fat stores, but he does want me to give her some more food if she can keep it down.  He'd like to see her establish a weight to length curve.  He says she's just 'long and lean'.  I wonder what side of the family she gets that from!  :)

I've been pumping five times a day as opposed to the three I'd previously made time for.  It's a huge time commitment (and money commitment) but it is so worth it to me and Ilse.  If she truly does have SLOS, then the cholesterol I'm giving her via breastmilk is vital to her development, especially since I'm having major trouble remembering to give her egg.  That's just not something I was preprogrammed to do as a mother.  I've finally gotten my milk supply up enough to be able to support at least two more 90ml feedings a day.  Hopefully I'll be able to increase my supply even more as Ilse grows.  And if for some reason the test we should have gotten back yesterday comes back that she doesn't have SLOS (not likely) then I'll be super glad I kept pumping since it will be more likely then that she can eventually nurse.

Ilse's head control is getting better and better.  I sit her on my lap and she can hold her head up but it's pretty wobbly.  We'll keep practicing.  She still won't pick it up when she's doing tummy time unless she's supremely mad.  I can tell her vision is getting better and she is getting more social.  I saw a flicker of disappointment in her eyes when I stopped playing with her the other day, so, like the good mother I am, I continued playing.  :)

Tim and I have been so busy lately that we have accidently bought The King's Speech from Red Box, and Gone With The Wind from Netflix.  Oh well.

My boys are in bed semi-on-time tonight, and they had a nice dinner, although right now I can't remember what it was.  Oh yes, waffles.  Boys love waffles.  And hopefully I'll get into the kitchen semi soon and make dinner for Tim and me.  Maybe I'll even get some of those groceries put away.

Get me out of the house, nooooowwww!!!

Tim and I both get into this state where we have to get out of the house... now!  It's like, dramatic, people.  I don't know if it's because the house is dark, because we've been in one room too long or what, but we've got to get out.  That's where we are this minute.  We're heading to pick up my camera charger from Eunice's house... she's had it since the shower!  The dearth of pictures on this blog is about to come to an end, pretty promptly when we get home.

Also, we're doing pretty well with Ilse's food today.  I didn't manage to wake up by 7am to start her meals, so she got the first one at 8:45am, and the last will be at 11:45pm.  That's much better than going to bed at three or four, so hopefully Ilse will cooperate and go to sleep!

Have a great night!