I will rise

There’s a brokenness inside of you
there’s a wound that still reminds you
of the fear, shame and rejection
you have seen it, you have seen it

You know it’s time to get up
but your heart’s paralyzed, you’re so stuck
you’re past the point of trying again
you’re defeated, you’re defeated

(chorus)
But something inside you can’t deny
you hear the call of your Creator
I made you for more, unlocked the door
I wanna restore your Glory
So Rise
Breaking the dark, piercing the night
you’re made to shine
an army of hope, bringing the world a radiant light, a radiant light
you were made to Rise
Rise

lift your head and look around you
see the dreams you lost, they’ve found you
and the heart that once was beating
coming back to life, coming back to life

(back to chorus)

(bridge)
shut the door on yesterday
leave what happened in the grave
you were made to rise
you were made to shine
Creation’s longing for the day
for kings and queens to take their place
you were made to rise
you were made to shine

Rise
Breaking the dark, piercing the night
Made to shine
Bring the world a radiant light
Rise
breaking the dark, piercing the night
you’re made to shine
an army of hope, bringing the world a radiant light
a radiant light
you were made to rise, Rise (repeat line to fade)

I hate that song.

I listen to it and I know, deep in my soul, that it's not true. It doesn't match my life and I'm pretty sure it doesn't match yours. Hearing a song like this hurts me. It makes me feel like I'm doing life wrong. It makes me feel like it's my fault my husband has cerebral palsy; my son has PTSD, ODD, RAD, ADHD; my other son has mental illness, ADHD, and is in the 99th percentile for anxiety and depression; and that my daughter has Smith-Lemli-Opitz. And on top of that, I have my own issues. Did the person who wrote this song really feel like they were made to rise? They could just escape their problems because God made them to rise? The dreams I've lost and that have been taken from me have not found me. Instead they're getting further and further away. I feel like I'm swimming in a sea of such dirty water that I can't see one foot in front of me. Instead I'm just taking step by step, or swimming stroke by stroke by holding onto God's hand. I certainly haven't, nor can I, just rise.

But then there's this song.

There's a peace I've come to know

Though my heart and flesh may fail

There's an anchor for my soul

I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near

When this darkness breaks to light

And the shadows disappear

And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome

And the grave is overwhelmed

The victory is won

He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,

"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I hear the cry of every longing heart,

"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,

"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I hear the cry of every longing heart,

"Worthy is the Lamb"

And I will rise when He calls my name

No more sorrow, no more pain

I will rise on eagles' wings

Before my God fall on my knees

And rise

I will rise

Yes. Chris Tomlin got it right.

Someday, I will rise, when my life is over. And when I'm in Paradise, there will be no more sorrow and pain. I'll finally be able to see Who it is I've had faith in. And this is the only kind of Hope I really believe in. I have hope in the promises of God, not that someday my child might get better. That is a hope that could very well disappoint and be deferred, and thus make my heart sick. My heart longs for the peace that is coming someday. I was listening to a friend talk the other day about how being older and being sick with cancer has made him be able to put aside earthly things more easily and just long for Jesus, and I could identify even though I'm only 35. I'm longing for the peace that I will have in heaven. 

Knowing the day is coming of Jesus calling my name and the darkness breaking to light makes me able to say, "It is well."