no humor today

My humorous voice is missing today.

On my way home from my morning driving (take the boys to school, take Ilse to school, take Tim to work) I was deliberating whether or not to go to bible study at church or to sink into mindless oblivion for a few hours before it was time to do my afternoon driving. I'd just decided to nap when Ilse's school called. She threw up her water so they wanted me to come get her. Part of me wishes they'd kept her and just not fed her any more for a few hours, but the other part of me remembered Sunday with Chris, so of course I went and got her.

Forty minutes later I was back home gain with my baby. I bathed her and we laid down to nap. I could tell she wasn't at her best because she and I slept about 4 hours. Oblivion to life's troubles is a wonderful thing.

When we woke up it was time for afternoon driving; the boys came home and together we went to get  Tim. Joey clearly doesn't feel good though. He says his legs hurt. He's always said that since he was little; I wish I knew what makes them hurt. I'm having him sit and drink miralax because he's terribly constipated. Poor boy; his tummy just doesn't move food right.

I feel like my whole family is falling apart; my house is falling apart; my mind is being held together by a wish and a prayer. Yes, that sounds dramatic but if you are a special needs mom you can identify.

Life isn't a bed of roses for sure. It's hard and stressful and filled with moments that make you wonder how you are still living. And when enough of those moments pile onto your heart you long for eternal rest.

But you can't have it. I can't have it. We have to keep going. I have to make supper. I have to unload the dishwasher. I have to drive Tim to re:gen. I have to wash laundry. I'm out of underwear, so that one's a necessity, lol!

I have to love my children and take their temperatures and manage to get water and food down Ilse's tummy.  I have to throw Violet across the room so puppy Ilse can fetch her, again and again and again.

I have to rely on the Lord and on my friends and on my family. And I have to hold it together because  there is no time for a special needs mom to crumble. There literally isn't time.

And then I look over and saw that Ilse put Violet in the dog food container. This is two victories: it's container play... Ilse is putting something IN something instead of just throwing things out. And secondly, Violet is a dog and clearly Ilse is feeding her.  Haha!

xoxo