Decision

I made a decision the other day.  I do this... I make decisions on the spur of the moment but historically they've tended to be good decisions and I've been happy I made them.

This time I decided that I'm going to bed at nine at night, no matter what has or hasn't been done.  If Ilse still needs a feeding, too bad; I'm going to bed.  She is fat enough, she will be just fine.  I might put her on the pump, but it just will have to depend on if she is awake or asleep.

I've been so sleep deprived for so long, and I've started to notice some scary effects.  The other day I couldn't remember the name of a lady at church.  I couldn't remember my uncle's name.  And then our nurse Angie came over and I was looking at her but I didn't recognize her.  I thought she might be a lady from church, but I wasn't sure.

I need to get some sleep before it's too late and something really bad happens.

So the past two nights I've tried to go to bed at nine.  The first night I totally failed.  Last night I made a real effort but still didn't get to sleep until around 11. Still, this morning I felt so much better.  Tonight maybe I'll make it by nine.

I need to do this for myself.  I used to think that moms had to serve their families non stop, rising early, staying up late, never tiring.  Not true.  It is true that moms have to take time for themselves or they will go kaput.  So I'm doing this for myself.  I can't wait to feel more rested.

Also, I've renewed my gym membership.  I'm looking forward to getting to do a bit of walking.  I used to walk around the lake every morning, but with the bad weather I haven't been able to.  I won't have to worry about the weather at the gym.  I'll take my phone and head phones and just mentally relax.  It sounds so nice.